A Simple Life.. That's All I Hope For..

2010-02-13T02:08:00.002+08:00

It's been a very long time since I last blogged. So many things have happened since that faithful August.

Poof*.. and almost half a year have flew past us. Though in the army really makes the time slow, and unbearable, but I must still admit that time does fly fast. Just look at blogger. I believe it was here since I was like primary school, and till I am in the army, it is still here. Similarly, many of my different friends and acquaintances that I have made, have also branched out on different paths in pursuit of each of our dreams.

It's the eve of CNY. As I take my long awaited chance to surf the net for past memories, I feel a certain sense of nostalgism. It's only now 361 days to my long awaited ORD. What will the future hold? The future is one that is filled with promise, and at the same time, fear. Promise because of the many things that we will embark on that will fulfil and enrich our lives. Fear because we only know what we want to see at the end. We do not know how the path to there will look like. What treacherous obstacles await us? One can only hope for the best.

5 years. A GCE 'N' level student time taken to complete his or her 'O' levels. it's neither short nor too long. Or should I rephrase, depends on how one look at things. Seeing people I know boarding that "steel bird" to fly off to attempt to fulfil their dreams, make me think and try to predict how things will be like when it comes to my turn. The family, friends, and most importantly, my love, that I will be leaving behind certainly bring tears to my eyes. I keep trying to psycho myself that I will be able to experience new things, new culture and sorts. But as all economics educated people, one will know that every action will have an opportunity cost. Is this cost too much for me to bear? I dunno. In our blind pursit of personal glory, do we forgo all these important kinship?

That question, I will never have the answer. Life is so puzzling. But it is because of this than it wii have its beauty. 2010,2011,2012,2013,2014, and beyond, here I come!

2009-08-05T16:05:00.002+08:00

Finally got this blog somewhat revived =) Been too busy to keep up with the things that I did when I was allowed back home everyday. This is the 1st post since my army life started. 4months in already ^^. Can't believe how fast time flies. I must thank the SAF for alot of things. The life lessons that I learned while inside. It was indeed a road of self-discovery for me. Will be going back to camp tonight and that will mark the 2nd last week of BSLC already. Ain't it fast. I must say that the adjustment period to this sacrifice that all men must do really made me so lost touch with the outside world in a sense. Miss coming back from school always. Miss taking Edwin's car to school. Miss the carefree days of track trainings with the AJ track team of 07/08. What awaits us in 2011??

2009 seemed to past so fast. It's already the month of August already. When I woke up on Monday, the 1st day of my MC, I saw a very peculiar and familiar desktop calendar lying flat on my study desk, which by now, is full of dust and perhaps cobwebs. The month stopped at March. It made me how involved my life had with been the army that I totally forgot about the front part of 2009 when I was a teacher back at schools. But I guess, it's every Singaporean men's responsibility to defend and protect the place we call home. With National day looming near, I feel a sense of pride. A sense of honour. Call me crazy or whatever, but looking back, I feel quite proud that I have done what I done in the past 4 months for this little island called Singapore.

They say that 2 years will fly past like a blink of an eye. I am still awaiting for the day that I can shake my Unit's CO hand and say that it was an enjoyable and memmorable NS life. Well, I have to keep blinking don't I. Cos it's 1 year and 6 more months.

Random thoughts: As much as we lament about the situation that we are currently in, we can't change the world to suit us. As such, winners are those that can adapt themselves to the situation =)

New Skin means New life or not??

2009-03-30T02:05:00.002+08:00

It's now 2:06am. Its a monday already. I guess this must be the latest time I am staying up for this year. 2009, seems different. Alot of... confusion. Unhappiness seems like a common thing for teenagers being real adults. I feel weird. Many things aren't that simple. I sometimes look back on the younger days while I was in seconday and primary school. Those were the days that I really treasure till today. Life of emo is bad. I know. However, what can I do when all things bad happen to me??

Standing at my grandma's graveyard today, I felt a sense of sorry. I am not a good person. I have offended and committed cardinal sins. Was 2 years ago that promise that I made not special?? Our lives pass by us so fast. There isn't a point of time where we can sit back and enjoy living. We live for different reasons. Some for fame, wealth, or other myriad of factors. But what we all must live for is happiness. But what is happiness?? Who can dare say what constitues happiness. Isit bein able to conquer the world, or just plain sitting at home and having enough food on the table to enjoy.

I want to do things. But in my pursuit of such things, am I making a mistake. That being said, what constitutes a mistake?? Sometimes perfection and too demanding is just a thin line seperating those 2. Life. So exciting since we dunno wat tml brings. Yet, so scary because of that similar reason. I ought to learn to let go. Let go of the past and look forward. But there must be a forward for me to envision 1st b4 I can proceed. Wat use with positive outlook and nothing will come out of pure trust in hope that isn't even there in the 1st place.

IS my life good?? On the surface it may seem that many things are going okay for me. But deep down, life isn't good. I know. Mayb I am too perfectionist for any1 to stand. But, I guess when fate comes and face you, you either stand up against it bravely or crumble and accept what you have.

It's late and I guess I will leave those thoughts to materialize in dreams.

Random thoughts: Dreams are really the opposite of reality.

LOss

2009-03-25T23:13:00.002+08:00

It's been a very long time since I last blogged..

SO many things have happened over a period of 1+ months.. Sometimes, I wish that my life weren't so happening.. Too much already. Too much disappoinment. Too much Sadness. Is this my fate?? Many a times, I ask secretly to the stars shining brightly at night whether are they too mean. To bless me with such a "wonderful" life. 5 years of hardship.. that's what I am looking at. I don't even know how this 2009 will turn out to be. Will it end properly?

What is happiness? I don't even noe already. Mayb I am too used to being a failure that I am numb when it comes to happiness. I dont even noe whether did this word ever live in my life?? Even if it did, it must just be a brief spell. What to expect? I dont even noe how my life will turn out to be. On the surface, it may look like I have everything. But the truth is that I am running on empty. People have happy thoughts to look back on and push forward. For me, I have only sadness to look back and be emo. When did I actually smile from my heart?? It seems that my face and my heart must be totally disconnected already.

LOLss..........................................................................................................................................................................................

2009-01-20T12:58:00.002+08:00

Another tiring day in school.. Sitting at the staff room now and using the laptop to relief some stress.. Its gonna b my 3rd week and coming to a month since I stepped into this school.. Well, can say I had good as well as bad times. Now I really noe how Miss Tan must have felt.

Also, the 'A' level results are coming out soon. Seeing some sec4s get their 'O's, I suddenly was quite fearful. Now does not matter, it is the future that's the ultimate aim of every1. I wish things will b fine. I noe I did not do much. However, if given the chane to turn back time, I will turn back and wish that things will be much better. COm is lagging.. Wat the lol.. Wat kind of com is this. LOLx.. MOE really cut cost.

This 2009 I can say is really normal. Not that spectecular. Stellar results. I pray. I still miss going to AJC. In the morning I will wake up hoping to go sch. If I could turn back time, my JC life I will treasure more and cherish more. It's been a regret for me. Though nothing is confirmed yet, but I am scared. I am really scared. This JC seems different from secondary school. We are less being taken care of and help is not as readily available as before.

Tired.. Hope that we can make it. I need 'US' insted of "me"

2009-01-13T20:59:00.002+08:00

New year already.. 2009..

Kinda miss 2007 n 2008. Okay.. to all 15/07 people, I do miss the times that we can learn as a class. Though many of us have now do our own stuff, I do still sometimes long to study together back in AJC. This January I still wake up and hope to c Edwin's dad come fetch me in the morning. But that will never be the case already. Seems like yesterday that Edwin and I were counting down to the big 'A's. Now, he's in army and I have already started to do constructive things. It's been 100days. Something that I will always rmb. Dear grandma, be happy wherever u are...

Teaching children that are about 3 to 6 years my junior really makes me recall the good old times that I had from sec3 to J2. The rowdy times in secondary, the friendly times I had in JC. I miss Sec4-10 and 15/07. The next time we could probably see each other will b the release of our 'A' level results. Something that I fear.. I really do..

Regrets.. I have amassed aplenty in my life.. Studies, personal and family.. All I have my regrets.. I regretted not studying hard enough at all for my 'A's, not spending any time in my grandma's last 2 years, and just plainly taking all those around me for granted. How I wish time could turn back and I can make ammendmants. But it is the bad times that will make us cherish the good times.

I wonder wat life will b like in another 5 years time.. Will I still b able to c my secondary sch mates? Will I still stay in touch with my JC pals??

2008-12-07T02:22:00.002+08:00

Long time since I last posted anything..

Well.. It's after 'A's now... So much more relaxed and stuff.. Hmm.. but regrets yea.. many.. but that's next year's problems. It's only been like half a month after 'A's and I am so loving life now to want my study life back. So much has happened these 2 years. Misery, much needed happy moments, terrible and so much more emotions. It all seem like yesterday that I stepped into AJC after my 'O' levels. Well.. 2 years has just flown past, though 2007 seemed non-existent. Just basking into the lively christmas atmosphere now where things seem so happy and all.. 18 in just a few more days. Cannot beliv that I am gonna b an adult soon. Soon, money will b my utmost concern and so much more. Suddenly, just felt that sch life seem much better.

Just something random. Was thinking about 2006 December period. I rmbed I was so bored that I started looking thru past advertisments and so all..

Gosh I tink I am gonna sleep now.. Random post..

2008-10-09T22:59:00.002+08:00

I decide to take a short break from all those notes...

It's only 23days more and somehow I feel that sch ending shld b more important.. Hmm.. AJC.. stepped in dere 2nd day of Jan 2007. Hhas.. very memorable thing was I told my OGL that I was gonna b late cos 1st day and I wanna utilize the late opportunities=) than orientation and 1st 3 months was totally like a dream. Relax and relax.. notes can heck.. things look easy.. no stress watsoever.. but then.. when the 1st 3 months ended and the real work started, i somehow didn't manage to adapt and 2007 was screwed. At least that year was still special.. Alot life lessons learned. Like how people change face so fast. How practical some people are.. Well.. to each his own... 2008 went by very fast. Was looking thru my chem file and saw the dates on my organic tutorials.. Gosh.. they seem like yesterday that I was doin them.. Than that time dont noe wat wat reaction. Just copy from notes =D

In 1 more hour's time n the last day of sch starts. Well.. not exactly the last day, since today was more like it.. But tml is wat I would call graduation day.. Recalling my sec4 graduation day.. That day Andre, George and I decide to pon it cos we were far behind at that time and needed the time to pia.. but we were caught and thrown into the hall.. Well.. I rmbed Andre slept thru it.. but being curious I saw our teachers last message to us. The music, the lighting, the solemness, the words and just the emotions of mine all welled up at the same time and at that time I felt so touched by wat the teachers said and felt so loss that I am gonna leave them so soon.. Will I feel sad come tml.. AJC.. besides track, my closet buddies and YOU=) i can hardly have any recollections bout it.. Teachers all seem so bo chap.. But I must say thanks to a few teacher.

MIss SOh.. thanks for all the help=) MY chem teacher is really 1 of the best. HHas.. rmb the 1st day I told her my prelim chem D7.. than 'O' level C6. LOLx.. lowest in class i tink.. SO she I sure value value add.. LOL.. Hhas... She's a great mentor and person that i will look up always. Hope I can set a miracle for her.. C6.. I am sure she dint have any worse students than me.. CHem 'O' level C6. Mr thomas was fuming when I told him =p

okay.. time to sleep le.. tml's a short day but i am cultivating a healthy lifestyle now =)

Random thoughts: is there a machine to freeze time??

2008-10-02T15:27:00.003+08:00

Yawnz.. Just woke up not too long ago.. =)

These few days been sleepin n the heart seems to beat a little faster than normal.. Hhas.. dunno whether isit too excited for what lies after 20thNovember =) Tml's friday already and 28days n counting le.. Let's hope dat tonight can b a landmark in my quest up to that stage.. Today was doin the RJC compre during lecture and it struck a chord in my heart as I read. Not that I felt indignant or totally furious that my lecturer thought we as students must have. But I felt that it was a sort of truth and felt funny bout it.. LOLx.. Must b a real crazy person. But isn't it so true, we are akin to small little choo choo trains non-stop rushing to every train station to do this to accomplish that. But we have forgetten almost who we are in some pursuits. It can really b very tiring for many.. Myself too feel tired at this constant embroil. However, without all this competition, can we define wat is triumph?? As stated in the passage, triumph is about achieving things set at a high difficulty level. If it was easy n alot of people can do it, it will not b called triumph. Weird.. ZZZ

Random thoughts: When the sun is setting and red golden light fall over us, is in my opinion, the most beautiful moment of the busy hustling day that we are mired in..

2008-09-30T13:56:00.002+08:00

This is end of september already..

Hearing the song wake me up when sept ends now.. gosh cant belive i last heard it when I was sec3.. How time flies.. 'O's with my brotherly class sec4-10 and our ever helpful teacher, Miss Tan. It's now the 'A's already and 1 more month to the start.. I tink this period of time will definitely b memorable though it will b sianz.. Sitting at the front of my TV just now n staring into an empty screen reflecting my image. It just seems like it was yesterday that I sat down there watching AC milan VS cant rembemer who in the champions league in 2005. Sec3, every sunday morning waking up early to catch Spanish league. Sec2, playing ard with no meaning in life. Now J2.. let's c how things will turn out come 3rd Nov 2008.. 2006, that christmas, will always b the most magical.. Actually after my 'O's the holidays, I dunno how to say, but it really felt that I was living in a snowy world.. So warm yet fun and so christmas that year the christmas.. What will christmas bring this year??

2008-09-20T21:28:00.002+08:00

It's a lonely saturday.. I decided to escape a while to the park just now to listen to the wind blow and sit alone on the park bench looking at the bustling activities on this sat's nitez. Cing neighbours' kids running ard and people having gatherings drinking to their heart's delights really makes me envious. This 2008 n the emotional filled 2006, seems similar but yet so different. I don't deny that 2008 is indeed more special than 2006. The people that's goin thru wit me are also different. I feel blessed for everything that was given to me. Family, friends and of course you^__^. How I wish that life can just fastforward these last 6 weeks. I also human. Vulnerable to almost everything too. Stress and emotions, n suspicion of the uncertain future. It's the uncertainity, whether u cover enough makes 1 nervous bout the future.

It's just an irony that we all want this pain to stop but yet indulge in it now. The truth of all.. Just a sad thing that why god cre8ted man that time, he dint of making things perfect. But then again, is there anything called perfect?? I guess it's just an ideal, but then again wat defines wat is ideal?? wat is ideal?? who can quatify it?? Just wish that I will have no regrets. WE will have no regrets. =) WE will last thru this period and c wat the future holds.

Random thoughts: Life's so unpredictable, A good yet bad thing, the key is striking a balance between wat we noe and wat is best kept unsaid...

2008-09-19T15:56:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since I wrote an entry. Almost 1.5months le..

Hmm.. I dunno what to really write.. Sometimes we just wonder bout the future. Mr Toh, my econs tutor told me and han wei, or actually the whole class something meaningful and fulfilling. Yea.. it was real reassuring to hear what he said. It gives 1 hope in the face of hardship.

Just feel that somethings r actually more complicated than they look. But for now. I just wanna do my own stuff. It's the last time things r gonna take a form n the most important time. That brings me back to another point bout what Mr Toh said too. There's already enough materials for us to achieve what we want. It's whether can we utilize these materials well enough. Life is so full of uncertainties. Looking back, we will find many a times that we say if we had done this mayb this will happen and when it happens, mayb this will happen. There's always a upwards spiral of desires by many. But ultimately what fuels these wants are bcos of human nature of consuming something that is limited. Would u want b sastisfied with just having lights?? No. We will only b sastisfied of money was aplenty and success and fame came. The innate desire of every1. Just that some life-changing experiences have led many to b sastisfied for happiness. Than again what is happiness?? We all expect greats. Achieving great successes that will make us famous. But have 1 ever wondered the euphoria of achieving something is just that few hours, days or weeks. After a while, when the dust has settled, when every1 move on with their lifes, will 1 look back and still marvel at ur hard-earned success. Mayb I am talking nonsense. but than if 1 earns that much of money is he considered successful and happy?? The grass on the other side is always greener. 1 cannot deny the fact that we want to keep consuming. Endless wants, like econs always say.

In reality, setting high standards and expectations can b a driving force. Something so prevalent in our society now that many stop at nothing for fame, success and riches. B it a young boy or girl starting sch to a aged old man or woman, they all want to b the best. It's the competitive nature of humans that drive individualism, selfish thoughts, jealousy and even in most extreme cases, revenge. Every1 have their own perspective. Wat they want n wat they do not.

Hmm.. it would b nice if we knew bout the future. Life's a stage. How true that is. We are all just like actors after material gains like every puppet of this globalised world that demands more and more. It's such an irony that why man hate sufferings, but r willing to go to large extents to achieve. I can nvr understand that flaw in man.

Random thoughts: It's the 300m mark already.. Where r u?? Mayb it's time to do some self-reflection 1st. Cos who cross the finishing line is the result that every1 will rmb and not in which part of the race who took the lead.

2008-07-26T23:54:00.002+08:00

it's been 20days.. HHas.. dunno y nowadays not really in the blogging mode =( Perhaps is scaredness overcomin me. But I dunno.. Things now look able to develop in 2 directions. 50-50chance. Sometimes it really depends on luck =S not sure this is our so called "Life".

Just went out with some of my 27thbatch NCO people. Yan hao, Siang Yong, Zhen yang and Jian wei. it's been some time since I saw some of them and just quite blessed for today though not all turned up. But nonetheless, being with friends is something special =) Been listening to the Graduation song by vitamin C lately. Its really quite meaningful.. Like we all aim for the 'A's. Awaiting its arrival to do our best n hope dat we can live up to people's expectations or our own aims. But come the 'A's it will also mean the end of daily meeting for some of our friends. Even close friends can b put to the test. I do miss my sec4 classmates. The craziness we underwent. Jing cheng, Ah kong, Lao pa, Bob, Andre, George are some of the best friends that went thru the ardous 'O's with me back in 2006. How I miss them. But 2008 also promises alot. With friends that I will say will last with me a long time. How 2years fly past for us. 15/07 will exist physically for 2 years. 2007-2008. But I beliv it will always stay forever in all our hearts. I dunno on farewell ceremony will I b looking back at my time in AJ and feel a sense of sastisfaction of the near is coming close, or feel a sense of loss that all is coming to an end?? I will noe then..

The prelims are 1 thing for every1 to look forward to.. Its the last time to redeem and b in good form entering the home stretch. I imagine my 2years in JC to a 400m race. in this particular 400m race, My start 100m was very slow, than at the 200m mark, I felt so tired that I almost pulled out. But I lasted and the 200m-300m I struggled but pulled into catchable distance with the leading pack. So I beliv now is the 250m where the next 50m will represent the prelims. So as all good runners, put urself in pole position for the ending kick. It's the last 150m. Down to mental n pure determination. Let's c at the 300m mark..

Random thoughts: I beliv in our future =)

2008-07-06T14:59:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. I dunno how to describe myself now. Abit of this and that.

Dreams. Something that everybody have. But how reality can accomodate so many people's dreams?? Some will end up bein dissapointed that their dreams did not come true. Reality is so small that it is limited. Human nature is dat 1 doesn't want to lose to another. No matter wat, he will perceive himself as the best n the rest shld b of lesser compared to him. Everybody will tink this way some point in life. It's only human nature. Hence, the pressure of doing well comes in. To overcome ur perceived worst nemesis and giv them a thrashing always. Cing the sadness on their face and pretendin to care for them. The facade of people. However, this kind of feelins differ from people to people. Some u can really feel the honesty that comes from them, but some.. it's clearly obvious that they want to be revered as the best. Arrogance n confidence. A thin line seperate this 2 totally different feelings. Which side is good is perceived by the individual. I can beliv that I am not arrogant and that it's my sign of confidence. But sometimes, the feelin u giv is just the former.

Something for most of us to ponder on. In this stage of life where we are at our peak and entering to the best years of our lives. Failure is something that every1 wants to avoid. But as trade in econs, to b better off usually mean the sacrifice of happiness of another. it's the harsh reality of humans but some thing that we must all go thru. The flaw in god when he cre8ted humans?? Another meaningful question...

Let's just do our best and c how things turn out. For that's the ultimate judgement where every person is allowed their equal chance to prove their case n the verdict is the one that no 1 can ever challenge.

Random thoughts: To prove the yellers and nonsense sprouting people wrong..

2008-07-03T21:59:00.003+08:00

Hmm.. seems like been a long time since I came to write something. These few days been fine.. HHas.. Just a random thought like just comparing my last time life n now.. Just noted down some differences. Hmm.. Like last time always emo and sorts, nowadays dunno wat is really emo. Mayb no time to tink bout it?? I also not sure.

Today also had my 800m. Well.. not much to say.. Dint expect the standard to b dat good. Like even if I did my PB I also not near the top16. Mayb Rama was just trying to make me have hope 2 months ago. But dunno why this time like no feelin. After the 800m like just yea.. it's over.. Gosh.. Mayb I have really matured le?? Like able to handle defeats and let it go easily. Well, not exactly that I have always been the last 1 standing in many things that I do.. Perhaps I was born as such. Failures must experience. I rmb likeJ1 that time so passionate n wanna do things to their best and nvr felt happy until I achieved. But as time pass, I dunno whether is bcome more mature or bcome more afraid and timid. Am I a moust at heart?? Something for me to find out...

There are 2 more events left for me. 4x400m n my 400m hurdles. Well the latter is my forte and if that I screw up or dint make the finals, I tink I will b sad. Having said that, I just only wish to leave with a bang. As wat people always want to leave with an impact left. Mid years was terrible.. hmm.. just have to go from strength to strength and c how things will end up.

Random thoughts: How time flies.. Life is so unpredictable.. It's beautiful yet scary.. Something like a scary beauty. Wat an irony..

2008-06-19T22:20:00.002+08:00

Sianz.. very sianz now.. Arrgh.. can't take it anymore.. So must escape here for awhile =)

LOlx.. like I said last year, whenever not free than always have time to write deXD weird huh.. Yea.. it's the last 3days le.. Left Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I also dunno Y things can't retain in my mind for long. Like rmb, than forget than needa refresh which can b very depressing. Okay.. must stop tinking bout studies for awhile. On a lighter note, the nationals are coming. Like almost less than 1 week after common tests and today coach told us that mayb after friday must train in sch. LOLx.. that's like must sleep early b4 Bio paper1 and Maths paper2. Well.. Maths needa sleep early anyways.. I am just really afraid of.. actually everything cos I dunno.. Just 70% most of the things to study. So unmotivated.

But track is okay bah.. it's only a few more days and somehow I feel this year can b different. I nvr knew I can but I just pushed on this last month and somehow miracles happened. I just tell myself at the start of holiday trainings dat this is really the last lap and must make it count so better put heart and soul into each drill, each test run, each full run and guess wat.. 2 3secs bloc cleared ^__^ But still the last bloc b4 I can really say that I achieved wat I set out to do or happen to change along the way.

Hmm.. Also been very happy these few days. Actually only 3 days bah.. but nonetheless I am so glad that it happenned =) Now I feel so secure and assured that gives me the courage to attempt things and not worry about the outcome and that's only possible..... Hhas.. shan't write more.. too lazy le =p

Random thoughts: I only wished that time will freeze and not let so many things happen now that makes the happiest momments seem so scarce =(

2008-06-08T02:19:00.002+08:00

It's the 3rd week of June le =(

Gosh.. how time flies. Still rmb that my holiday started 1 day earlier than the rest of my class as I did not H2 econs anymore.. Now.. It's median of the way.. Hmm.. 1st week basically went out with friends. Primary sch and sec sch than work for 1 day n train train.. Today marks the median and coach gave us something really hiong. Haiz.. He told us to come back within those timings all screwed lolx.. came back in like so sianz.. But hopefully by 3rd week can steady. Today he said something really meaningful. Like life is how u perceive and there is no need to do and force urself to do things so that others can see. That's pointless he say. But of course if some1 likes to b immersed in immense pressure to do well, than he shld also have his way cos all humans are entitled to choices. Dat's y he say that even though his former classmates and current friends all ask him why so long he is still in coaching when it's like a very low paying job, he say he do that cos he love it and this is wat he perceive as happiness in life. Personally I find it very thought provoking as it reminded me to sometimes not to stress myself up too much and shld get by this year smoothly. Though a little pressure don't kill =)

In a jubilant mood now. Hhas.. guess must b just now ba =) than now eat too many cookies and oreo that now can't sleep. Hmm.. hope that things will turn out fine. I miss the sec4 times.. okay being random but really.. it's like I miss those times with Ah kong, Lao pa, Bob, Han sen, Miker, George bang, Andre bang, Tze tian, Jun guang and so many more... wish for more time so can meet up with them.. Miss those days where studies seem so fun n carefree.. HHas.. not saying that now the friends I have are not wonderful.. They are the best.. San Jie, Er jie and Da jie =) all nice nice people. Hmm.. today I took a long long break siah.. tml must start le.. hearing Royston saying about the load of mid years topics today can really send a shiver down ur spine lolx.. Well.. that's just it.. Life of a typical Singaporean.

Random thoughts: It's only so close. June the 4th

2008-05-31T22:30:00.002+08:00

It's the last day of May today.. Well.. I tink this week was quite abit how to say wasted. So many things till today undone and feeling guilty. But there's still time and I dunno I rather choose to c the +ve side even if things are bad =)

Friday 30th may is 1 day that I will really rmb for the rest of my life. In the morning went to sch to train than ltr went to do CIP with Daryl. Hhas.. was pretty fun siah. But I rmbed during the kid's reading time I dozed off like some guy that lacked sleep for many days lol.. keep bumping my head into shoulders =( but then.. after that they have the study time and serious cannot tahan the Primary1s. They all so hyper lah.. bug me for like 2 hrs and some chinese words I also stumped at how to write =x Gosh.. that's like really bad.. Hhas.. that's y I did not retake chinese mah.. HHas.. than also teach them maths and so much more. Than got 1 dude serious attention seeker. But still too nice to report him =) HHas.. than I rmb this Tiffany girl. She actually very dilligent do her work than when she ask me to give her a grade for her work and she demanded 4 stars i gave lol.. But actually the limit was 3 stars -.-''' so malu lolx.. Hhas.. the teacher was like laughing and all her frends were like how u get 4 de?? HHas.. been an enjoyable day =)

Ltr in the evening had the NP POP. LOLx.. I tink I went so late that only some of my squad members were remaining but stayed late with some of them and had a good time till like 3am. Gosh.. reminiscing the past really brings back memmories. Not till Zheng Yang told me like wat happen in sec3 that I forgot all that happened lei.. But it was a good talk.

Than last nitez slept like 4 hrs than had training so today was like so shit. haiz.. need to shave 3 compelete secs. I noe I was close to that timing b4 but today even derioritate and Mr Tan so funny lah.. cos today the sch presented him an award for his outstanding contribution the past 5 years than in 2002 and 2003, 2004 he led AJ to many glories. but the same cannot be say of now. So he say like he won't accept the award unless this year we win medals for him XD Funny lolx. But I will giv my all.. The last ounce for him. I really look up to him as my father, my mentor, my teacher. N of all days to forget my camera, I had to forget today =(

Random thoughts: June 1st promises a whole new begginning. It's up to us how we treasure the future..

2008-05-26T23:18:00.002+08:00

Tink the old skin too sianz le lol.. so decided to change abit..

Hmm.. Just saw something very memmorable and thought provoking on tv. It's like in life we make promises and at dat very momment we are sure of wat we are doin and who we are and where in life we r headed in. We take note n feel reassured that we can carry out tasks fulfilling and to their fullest. But how many time have we given into the devil?? Or shld I say the greedy part of people. Empty promises. Words that represent hope yet at the same time disappointment. Wat and irony huh.. A paradox of the world we are living in. I was just wondering, if we could feel the same sense of justiceness we have felt when we made promises, perhaps not as many will feel hurt and distress bcos of our broken promises.

Yea.. just tinking. Today's the 1st day of the June hols and somehow I don't feel it is like a hol. perhaps with so many things coming up that I am so lolss at to how to manage my emotions. This is the period of time for me to b stable and focus on just crossing the finish line. Cos it could just b the very last chance for me to do it.. yea.. the last year finally. It's scary to c that 11+ years have just flown past and now, the final lap. This is really the final 1. The'O's was an intermediate, but u could say the 'A's is the ultimate test. it will b about character n not only knowledge to last through. But I noe at the 20th of November, I will b happy that I got over it.

It's been a memmorable day today. It really been.. Wish that it could b longer, but as long as I count my blessings, I ought to look at the positive side of life and perservere on with more strength =)

Tml's another long day. With track n all.. Last year le.. Somehow I just noe this year will b different..

2008-05-06T23:30:00.002+08:00

Actually feeling bad now.. =( I dunno wat I was saying lolx.. well.. I guess better make up or clarify tml..

Hmm.. was just tinking.. the journey left is not say very far. About 58 more days to the start. That a gruelling 14 days in July n it will all b over.. That's very fast. Considering that 1 n a half years in track is coming to a close already. I left only 3 more races to go n after that.. the jerseys, the shorts, the track pants, MY BELOVED SPIKES n team stuff will all b gone.. Gosh.. how much will I miss the guys and girls team. I actually count myself blessed that I am able to interact with the long dist and short dist trackmates throughout my 1+years. It's been really fun with the old J3s and the new J1s. Hope that the new team can do us proud next year.

Coach was saying that all sch's pride all comes from their track and field. Not saying other CCAs are not as good but on Track finals is the only event where there will b thousands turining up at the stadium. Be it winner schs or not, there will only b a limited amount of tickets. This is how glamorous bein in the top 8 of the final day event is. Wish that mayb this year 4x400m team can get in so can so many of us. It's a long shot definitely. We will b the underdogs. Be it at qualifying anot. Hope that this year will b a memmorable one. My last 1 month plus with the team le. Soon.. July will come and it will b all over. The last few momments could be with my 400m pals and after that.. it's all over.. However, I am looking forward to this year nationals as I tink 1 person can't b unlucky two times in a row rite?? XD

Random thoughts: ....

2008-05-05T22:07:00.002+08:00

Gosh.. tml got chem test and haven't prepare a single bit.. Heck siah.. gonna punt le..

Well.. today's a good day and must say. Well morining had floorball and nice teamwork guys. Edwin, Han wei n Terry. yea.. super nice lolx.. they somemore deny 1 goal. But watever.. Hhas.. something that really spices up my monday morining which happens to b the worst day of the week for me.. Than bio SPA was bull shit lolx.. no time.. I dunno whether my name legible anot.. Where got rules so strict de lol.. Can't even write name -.-''' Heck siah.. LOLx.. than Econs lesson I tink Han wei and I miss half lolx.. Sorry Mr TOh =( Dint noe the timetable bcome so screwed. Yeapz.. than GP which was okay.. That reminds me ltr still must do AQ. Left 1 para havent done.

Than stayed back, supposed to study but turn out slack.. I tink I am slacking alot lolx.. So training and as usual late =( Than we had to do 4x150m twice lolx.. but then coach ltr cut to 1 set. Hmm.. well.. it's okay with me too.. lucky I gave it my best for the 1st set. I tink it's very mental lolx. All the sprints and everything. Hmm.. hope 20, 20.3, 20.4 n 21secs. still okay I tink but hope can maintain at low 20s. Gosh.. than Hikal was like super imba la.. he after hardcore train still do 54.89secs for 400m which is like sooo imba.. I tink this year looks bright for 4x400m.. Shld b able to make finals and mayb if all goes well, mayb can challenge VJ. Takin into account they have 2 54secs and 2 52secs.. Dunno how.. but hope for the best. Hope the good old days can b back b4 I leave. AJ track.. something that I will rmb for the rest of my life and today brought camera intend to take pics of last few trainings but dint.. Nvr mind wednesday when do hurldles than take lol..

Random thoughts: 1) it's just so near yet so far.
2) it's so scary that people can change appearances as and when. But at least
I noe I hav friends which are true ^__^

2008-05-04T20:37:00.002+08:00

Tml's the 5th..

I was just tinking about something. Alot things that we want to achieve. Be it sch, personal or watever, we want to b best. However, more often than not, we get the fears from the so called "experts" in that area that we r so focus that we dont enjoy the fun of things. Yea.. so in conclusion that while we are embroiled in this challenge for excellence and results, we must also rmb that the journey matters most and the results don't. If we enjoy the process, we will b able to achieve many things bcos enjoying it is more crucial.

Just something random.. this week is so busy and happening lolx.. Got so many tests and SPAs.. Gosh.. the reality of J2 is beginning to set in. Quite hard to breathe siah.. Well, as the saying goes if the goin gets tough, the tough gets goin. N just have perservere. I am pretty tired already.. with life and everything. I dunno wat I can achieve siah. I so wanna just giv up n sit down sometimes and not do anything. Why can't people's life b so carefree n relaxed. Haiz.. mental fatigue. But will perservere no matter wat.. cos walloping in self sadness only brings u more sadness..

Let's hope end of this month can achieve goal 1 and June just pia than July will b the month. Let me b part of point winners...

Random thoughts: .......

2008-05-02T18:24:00.002+08:00

It's the end of week 7 already =(

How time flies.. Week 7 of term2 is like now whereas Jan the 1st is like so yesterday only.. Well they say that J2 is a very fast paced year and yea.. depends on how u handle it. Today is the day that I can finally come home early siah. Like 1.45pm ^__^ so like secondary sch lolx.. Hmm.. but come back mainly sleep and use com till now.. than ltr goin out for dinner with family so practically come home early is also no use de.. Well at least I can do the things I wanna do..

Went out with er jie(Elaine), San jie(Fiona), Josephine(Da jie) and han wei this tuesday.. Was real fun.. but Josephine had to leave early.. Yea.. we went to novena than the queue was like soo long lol.. I tink the whole floor filled with people lolxXD.. So we went to Raffles city. Hehe.. there also got donut factory and for me that is also a very special place. Yeapz.. than queue and the queue was so fast that within 15mins ice-cream le ^__^. Hhas.. felt guilty consuming 2cones n 1cup but the time spent was definitely worth it =) Hmm.. than decided to change donut place n the new place was not bad.. Must go back often to have some after sch relaxation =) But guess.. will b during the hols le bah.. cos got common tests comin up n this is our important year and shld focus on the big picture.. Than Han wei's friend Louis came and we queued for our 3rd ice-cream.. By that time like so sweet le lolx.. 2ice-creams and 3 donuts(though shared with Han wei) was very fulling le.. Ltr ard 6.30pm went back with Er jie and San jie. Yeapz.. than went home so tired but still prepared the debate thingy for tml..

Wednesday was fun =) Hhas.. Cara did so well. Best speaker for the day =) but all my team all did well together too =) LOLx.. Mrs Sudhir even thought we were prepared lolx XD Than had the track meet. So sianz lah.. Got to b the stupid flag bearer for opening ceremony and the sun was so hot and we had to stand there for quite long lolx.. But can dismiss early so no complains =) Than 4x400m.. Wanna thank my class 15/07 for supporting me durin my run ^__^ Hhas.. I could hear ur screams when coming round the bend for the last 100m.. will rmb u guys when the July nationals come =) Hmm.. now that sports day over le, I can focus on my hurdles and 400m. Coach's belief, I will not disappoint. Cos I tink I did it once this year le.. Than the july nationals will be like my last of the last of my brief 1+year in track. So.. I wish can make the finals ^__^ Though I noe will not win.. but still.. a final 8 in the nation is something of great achievement to me =). Well, I in sec sch was in TAF club de lol..

Well.. gotta stop le.. goin to eat dinner and come back needa sleep early. The journey begins tml.. About 60days and counting..

Random thoughts: I live with a clear mind and heart and that is beauty by itself..

2008-04-27T18:17:00.002+08:00

Been super slack siah this weekend.. Hmm.. alot sleepin. I tink average saturday = 10hrs and today = 13hrs -.-''' Damn.. so much hmwork left and I tink cannot go out le lol..

But today when I woke up I got a some sort of pleasant surprise. Sorry Han wei and terry, last nitez watching match so can't wake up on time =( Yea.. but no matters.. 1 of my long long as in both physically and emotionally far person is coming back to Singapore.. Hhas.. went to Canada and sortta lost contact since J1 PAE started with so many people that I met. 15/07, PAE, PAE class n track mates. Yea.. than got she got uni n all.. LOLx.. now in uni of toronto somemore.. I heard like top 40 universities in the world!! Zhai siah.. 'O' level still rmb she like screwed but now so zhai.. No 'A's somemore can enter uni.. Best siah.. Sometimes u wonder if Singapore's education really is the fastest and less stress up de??

Personally for me, I don't even noe how I survived so many years of hiong education. Really stressed up siah.. Like the proportion of happy momments to sad moments is so imbalance lol.. How many times have I felt sad=countless. How many times I felt happy=can't rmb. Is there even 1?? But happiness is a choice at times and it's about how u recover. The past is set, the present is short term, but the future is long term and promises so much so make the full use of it. HHas.. just something to tink about also..

Oh ya.. Yesterday watched 200 pound beauty n I tink I felt very emotionally sad for it. Cing people doin everything they want for fame and love. Tinking that love can be bought by looks. But more often than not.. Isn't this the case. Isn't this y many go for plastic surgery to look much better n attract many people attention. Well.. At least I beliv that in this world there is still true love and as long we keep beliving it will come true. Not many things are that practical.. the silly love that I look for. But it's a nice nice show. Shld watch it..

Tml is the start of the week. LOLx.. looking at the timetable, I can't wait for PE. Floorball.. Hhas.. it was fun last week. I tink can really bond us 15/07 guys together =)

Random thoughts: Is the story of underdogs a fantasy or something that I can beliv in??

2008-04-26T22:13:00.002+08:00

It's the weekends!! =)

Happy n more happy. But today, haiz.. just saw the online results. Sianz.. more badly than I expected. Dint even try to hit my personal best on wednesday.. Was slower -.-''' Haiz.. can't beliv it siah.. But it's all over.. now to focus on the nationals in July.

Tml goin gym with Terry and Han wei.. I tink time to keep fit n b strong for this last 2 months n abit so that I can giv a good account of myself for the 1+ short year spent in track. Coach said on Friday alot of dreams and he say that this year shld b able to achieve most of them.. Though he say only final placings is the most realistic aim, I am prepared to work with him to deliver that. Though will not have a verification but noeing that I am among the top 8 in the nation can giv me the satisfaction that I just want to do for Coach and my family and frends=)

Hmm.. back to track seems weird. Like 1st time wearing spikes like dat siah.. Super not used. But still tink I got my speed with me.. 4x120m, 15.8sec, 16.2, 16.4, 16.4 Looks not bad for the starting. But gotta go down.. It's just a few seconds away and cing Hikal running his 400m, he just practically will power the whole last part. Like he chiong 300m, than the last 100m, mental all the way. That's really fast n I really respect him..

Gotta go do work now le.. so many tests and practicals coming up.. hmwork is also piling sky high.. Must clear them..

Random thoughts: Happiness is a choice at times..

2008-04-25T04:41:00.002+08:00

I guess it's time to try to end this part of my life..

Yeapz.. 23rd has passed and today's the 25th. Hmm.. how to say lei.. 23rd April, I guess the weather really just described how I felt and I am sure althought the guys dint say anything, they must have felt the same way thing too.. I don't know whether to feel sad or not actually.. Cos this year like did everything that I could. Perhaps the last 1km could have handled it better like chionging like siao.. But will that really help?? I mean the standard this year was really high. Yea.. I guess I am disappointed. But I really dint expect that it's so imba this year. Perhaps I was too myopic. I am rmbed last year this time, my main aim was to come in n make it to the team. HHas.. last time I just wanted to b some1 in the team than I was happy.. But last year I was also abit not focused n all and coupled with injury.. Just sianz.. I am just beginning to wonder whether is there really a light at the end of the tunnel.. After July the 14th, will I look back and noe that I have achieved something. I can go all out for the remaining 2 months. I tink shld b fine with me. But choices this year is ever so important and choosing the wrong path could just screw my future all up..

Hmm.. C how ltr 1st.. Strangely though.. I don't feel sad nor happy.. Just like nonchalant about the x-country. I only wish that all my guys can take it easy too. Cos they all put in the neccesary effort, but the standard was way beyond our imagination cos mayb we dunno the actual distance than nvr do prior proper research. So take it as a lesson and let's hope next year there will b J1s that will bcome J2s to take the lead n achieve something..

Random thoughts: Simple life..

2008-04-22T18:05:00.002+08:00

Today's the 22nd April..

As I am typing this entry, my hands are shaking and I am seriously loss.. Just slightly less than 24hours more.. Now's 7pm n I don't noe wat else I can do.. I seriously cannot focus on anything. Hmm.. sleep early n c how tml.. I just discovered something on monday and not sure whether it will b of use tml. I hope it will b. Don't let that b just a facade to lie to me.. Give me the strength my friends and loved ones.. For without u all, I cannot do it alone. It's something of the story of the underdog, but isn't that kind of stories that make people smile and feel glad that the underdog has achieved more than wat he was expected to. I am the underdog now.. I noe it myself. But as wat coach said. U have put in the exact amount of hard work as so many others, there's no need to b afraid as things will work themselves out fine and U fear no1 cos it's only u that will determine alot things. How true does that sound ya.. Although it's by a long shot, but I am willing, can the gods above bless me too??

I am not sure wat else to say at this juncture but that alot of the past and things. This is not just something that I run for personal pride. But so many things hinges on this. The ex X-country team2007. My family. My friends and ultimately myself. I am gonna fill my head with positive thoughts now as the day approaches. After like 1 month or so.. the day is finally here n I wish that the results wont disappoint me.

Royston said to me on Monday that after every race, the next day I will always look so emo.. Let this time I can say that within this 2 years I have achieved something. Last year this x-country was memmorable be it for J1s or J2s. All of us look to achieve n take something away from the event, but it just dint bcome a realisation. After a long 365days wait, the chance is here again. The chance to make ammenmants. The chance to redeem myself. The chance to do something great. Life dont look so smooth sailing but I noe this is something that is within my ctrl. Something that I can strive for. I hope for the best. Not only for me but for the rest of my team..

Eugene to win his personal medal and probably giv d'cruz a scare.
Mugi to achieve something that I noe he is capable but up to chance
Jinkee to join track after giving a good display =D
Ben to break his PB and b a good pace setter or probably achieve more
Hikal to unleash his potential that I noe he has..

Random thoughts: Till tml.. the day where I will rmb for a long long time.

2008-04-20T21:59:00.002+08:00

It's the 20th of April le and just a few more hours to 21st april. Well.. all I can say is that I wanna record down this period of time till the 23rd.

I am having mixed feelins now. Like wanna do things but no mood. I dunno why.. My mind is just so loss. That 15mins plus. I so wanna do it. It's like it's so near. I can almost taste it. Be it triathalons or watever, I noe I can do it. But reality and dreams sometimes is just a hairline fracture away. Last training tml and we will c how on wednesday. This weekend I like can't do anything. I rmb last year. Kang seng, Rama, Jia Zheng, Andrew, Wen Ze, Eugene and Mugi.. All the tears. Yea.. this year will it b tears of joy.. Will I b able to cross that finish line and jump onto my elated trackmates and bask in the enjoyment of doin something that I will live to rmb for all my life. The competition is gonna b intense. Real intense. I can almost feel the cut throat feelin that all the rest will have. I noe my mistake. The starting part is okay.. Till entering the boy's filter that I have to endure and last through. Than the 2nd part of boy's route till Evo garden. Than the upslope have to whack. Than coming in to the straight have to gear up. I tink tml I will b doing some endurance work in the morning 1st. Tell PE teacher that I gonna run to feel the thing 1st. Hmm.. hopefully he allow me. Than I will mental all the way. It's all bout the mental I tink. So wish me luck my lucky stars.

it's gonna b hard. But the victory will b even sweeter. Something that is testament to who I am.. Everything that can b done is done, now it's up to me to achieve it. just a mere 50secs to confirm. A mere 50SECS. Some top class sprinters say it's only about 400m to them. The 400m.. How close is that... Imagine me keepin that stride all the way.. Hmm.. Let's see how tml..

Random thoughts: 3 nitez and 2days...

2008-04-16T20:15:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. I tink I ought to b happy today. It's like so close and things don't look that bad. But still lots to do. But as they say if u mug last minute all the way till any exam like 1 and a half weeks, results will show. That's if u mug really 24/7 and focus every SECOND. Take note is every SECOND. That's the flaw with human beings. We beliv that we can and we really can. It's just things don't always happen smoothly. Discipline is something that we must b able to learn or not even the greates man on the world can do the greatest thing.

LOLx.. one of those philosophical days again. Well.. Life don't look that bad anymore. I mean although many things I have lost. But looking back, the things that I did last year was really stupid and if I started earlier, mayb I no need to b so leaving up to luck now.. =( Nonetheless, I tink I am still in time. If u're tinkin I am talking bout studies than u're utterly wrong XD Yeapz.. that's secondary now. Life so much more than mugging. Which I SO SO SO SO SO dont't LIKE. *take note the amount of SOs*

Let's c wat happens tml. It's bout how much 1 wants. Sometimes people get things by turning into their animal nature for that momment. Yea.. It happens to every1 and I don't deny I nvr. I mean when u did something important and look back at it unless put in that similar situation, it will b very hard for u to do it again with as much intensity. Hmm.. hope that made sense.

Wishes and everythings. But this dream of mine pls let it come true. For once, I can do something rite. Something that I nvr done in my whole life.

Random thoughts: Sorry guys.. I noe I am emo sometimes, but I am alright. If I giv u all repulsing looks pls forgive me as I am not pissed but just circunstances sometimes make me like that. I apologize and wish that nothing has changed =)

2008-04-12T23:43:00.002+08:00

Still have e-learning siah.. -.-''' sianz sianz.. SO busy and busy these days but I feel even more slack n unmotivated. Haiz.. how to b with so much happening that's not really good. Hmm.. Just sad and depressed.

Hhas.. today had training n I tink must b yesterday's emoness fuelled me to pia siah.. more than 1 minute of improvement lolx.. Yea.. coach say mayb can challenge for top 20 ^__^ something I am sure I will b over the moon about. Than after training take a bus to toa payoh hub and saw SUPERBAND auditions lolx.. Hhas.. cing those cool punks singing and rocking their hearts out. Army men singing and jamming and even sch girls and aunties trying their luck XD Was real nice lol.. I tink I stayed and watched for 1hr. Nvr c all these auditions in person b4 siah.. Hope Singapore can really take music to another level. Really tired now siah.. Dunno whether I am gonna slack and rot. Hmm.. I dunno.. Just a little sianz now. It's like life is not proceeding as well as expected. Rmbing all those childhood days where scoring band 1s and playin computer games could make 1 happy but not now.. Now it seems that many want more and 1 bcome increasingly dissatisfied. The line between grandted things and work hard for things is so blur. I dont even noe whether sometimes I am demanding for too much. The pain of growing up..

It seems that when u bcome older, u bcome increasingly sad. =S dunno isit just me?? But somethings I c really makes me smile. I just feel that as long as it comes from within and no matter what u look like physically, people will b moved by who u're. Yea.. whenever I c an example of that in people, I will just feel so happy for them. Like if life could b so innoncent. Something that I wonder will ever happen to me. Cos I always wanted it since when I was young. Gosh.. I just repeated my old habit of dunno what I am saying. =S Hhas.. Sometimes a smile is a curve that makes everything straight =) as quoted by keet =)

Yeapz. so meaningful hor that line. I also dunno where she gets those lines de lol. XD SO philsophical.

Random thoughts: ----ZzZ----

2008-04-10T17:56:00.002+08:00

Today is the 1st day of e-learning lol.. Hmm.. Last nitez was dotaing with the guys till late. Than today also woke up late than sianz to go out le.. I tink ltr just run nearby can le bah..

This week many things happen although I only went to school for 2 days. I finally cleared my NAPFA =) yea.. After like so many years. I rmb primary 4 they introduce the system. At least that's wat I can rmb. Than primary 4 pass. Than primary 5 fail. Fail standing broad jump and 1.6km. Than primary 6 like siao liaoz. Pass with bronze. Okay.. Than sec 1. Fail standing broad jump and 2.4km. I rmb my time was like 19mins. LOLx.. that time the teacher said even I was a girl I will also fail lol.. Haiz.. so sec1 fail. Than sec2. Pass with bronze ^__^ but that was when the guys push me. I tink that time the teacher let me jump 40 times b4 I hit 198cm or something like that. than 2.4km the whole class take turns to motivate me so pass. 14mins 25secs I tink.. Sec 3. Fail again as usual. bcos now got the stupid pull up. Wah.. sianz.. So sec4 also fail. Than J1 also fail. But then.. finally this week.. I did it =). A silver lei.. HHas.. that means in my whole life, I failed 5 times, got bronze only thrice and silver once. -.-''' LOLx.. other people like gunning for full marks. Hhas.. but nonetheless.. no army early for me =) N from now can focus on track and all..

I dunno whether it will reap good benefits anot. I feel that I am lagging. Yea.. cos I am giving everything I got for track.. But I dunno.. dreams and reality. Sometimes those 2 cannot be mixed. well.. let's see how.. Coach say on monday that he can c the potential in the event that I wanted to talk to him to giv up.. But he say he can c the potential. -.-''' LOLx. I dunno siah.. let's hope so bah..

Ltr must do e-learining le.. like slack the whole day without doin anything.. Arggh.. must motivate and stay focus siah =( something that I can't do =(

Random thoughts: --- Dun want to think =p ----

2008-04-06T21:46:00.002+08:00

Today officially mark the most hiong week ever in my life. Yea.. All the comps and scaredness.

Yea.. It's all over. Now left only Napfa N X-country left. Haiz.. Napfa=Emoness.. Pls let me have the strength. Literally lolx.. This week been really slack n all.. Alot things not done. But partially cos of the upcoming x-country as after trainings and running like 9km!! Naturally even a robot will b tired. Yea.. I am gonna lag.. I am gonna fail as usual. At least till 23rd April. So yea.. Haiz.. 1 cannot do too many things at 1 time. Wish that time can b on my side and I will b able to handle the stress. It's like it's so near but so far.

Okay.. Enough of all those stuffs. But my life is very boring now. Like only sch n more sch -.-''' Yea.. All the goin outs, shopping, eating and drinking like all so gone le. Hhas.. My party boi nature is bein curbed. Like every saturday last time I will go out to chill, drink or have fun. Must do that sometime soon but not very likely as track. Looking back, when I decided to go for it last year, I really dint expect that this CCA expect so much commitment. Yea.. like effort n basically life revolves ard it. Like NPCC last time. Arghh.. I so wanna go out n have fun.

Hmm.. also dunno noe wat else to add le.. Life's boring and yea.. typical life of a JC student. This week having E-learning ^___^ Yea.. can finally sleep more. But I tink Eugene and MUgi will b running so most likely following them. Yeapz.. but means more time for me to slack n mayb since botanic gardens so near orchard, can go have a look at that place =)

Random thoughts: ----

2008-03-31T20:47:00.002+08:00

Day 3 of the super hiong week and mark the 1st pit stop I have b4 the rest continue.

Well today.. Haiz.. Just nothing to say.. The last part as usual. Nvr mind.. it's not gonna bother me. N it will nvr. But something makes me even more scared. Like the main purpose of running so long and hard is that.. call it human nature or anything.. But I really wanna achieve something b4 I leave this college or my short spell in track and field. It's offically 23more days. Yea.. 23rd April. The day that AJC track N field can revolutionize. So much rest on the performance of this. This year we got Eugene and Jinkee le.. Both of them are fast fast runners. So.. the remaining 2 to complete the perfect and chance for challenge for medal quartet is Mugi and me. Well.. for me.. I noe wat I want. But I dunno whether it will b too late. It's a long shot but as long as I have the mental belief. Something that has eluded me since J1. As long as 7th, 10th and 20+th for the last 2 runners, we might be 4th or 5th. Yea.. that 1 is really the ultimate aim of all runners in AJ I guess. Something that Mr Tan our beloved coach has not experienced for a long long time.

Well.. in the past, he did achieve more than that. But this year. I dunno. It's within our grasp. It's down to out hunger. N wat Rama, Kang seng and Kent did last year. I so dunwan to dissapoint them. I must admit. That this X-country is our only real chance that we will get close to the untouchable 3. It's just a sad fact that I must admit. It's just like this. Things don't happen perfectly for me, but this year no matter up or down I just emo for like an hour and the next hour I am moving on to the future. Cos I so beliv that living in the past is not gonna change the past but focusing on the future cos that is still tangible.

Let's see wat happens in 23days time. I cried my heart out last year. I wish this year is tears of success...

Random thoughts: Will I achieve something that means so much to me. Something not say far but not say near. It's down to mental desire.

2008-03-30T20:42:00.002+08:00

Day 2 of the most hiong week of my life.

Well.. Last nitez, or actually this morining I went to bed with the most sad thoughts. Must b listen to dat song that my sis played when watching the show 200 pounds beauty. So touching and it really touched my inner self. Though I don't understand the lyrics, but the melody, just makes me wonder wat I am doin sometimes. Like I noe wat is rite and wat is wrong, but sometimes, I wonder whether is my tinking really rite?? It's really depressing.. I dunno just a inner part of me that I always have.

But still managed to sleep n woke up than slack than sleep 1 hr b4 the 4x800m race. Well.. the race was particularly thrilling. Hhas.. imagine taking such a big lead from schs such as VJC. Yeapz.. opened a big gap at the start but at the end still dead. Haiz.. But wat is +ve from this is that I improved so much from my personal best. Timing was 2minutes and 14 seconds. Like almost 5secs from my PB. Hmm.. at this rate.. I dunno dreams may just come true. Let's c how things will got till July.

Saw the other races and Han sen finally managed to pass me the sec 4-10disc. Havent see it yet but it shld b real nice to reminisce the past. Now the rain is fast approaching. Hear drops of rain on the cold window of mine. Wat a exact description of my heart. It's like a bitter yet tired yet slightly happy feelin. Bitter bcos things happen but they don't continue and makes me wonder why it even happen in the 1st place?? Tired bcos I wanna do something, but i noe that is not rite and will not do anything more as I am tired too bcos of life. Slightly happy bcos things like happy things happen ard this time b4 or it is exactly like a replica of the past. Something that makes me smile last time and cing it replay but minus all the happy parts just makes me slightly happy as I recollect the past.

Gosh.. I dont even noe wat I just said. I write blog entries with my mind wandering off sometimes so that my deepest feelings can b expressed. Yea.. Life's just confusing for me. I dunno wat to do N wat to believe. Like so many differing viewpoints and I dunno how strong I can maintain. I am surpressing many things. But I dunno whether how long I can hold. I thought I knew the answer. I stuck to it for so long. Pondered and arrive at the same conclusion. But now.. I am beggining to accept some facts that I conviniently forget. Something that makes me tink twice. If it's true than me bein stubborn is just plain stupidity. Just so lolss. at wat to do.. Sometimes I wish I noe wat I shld do.

Random thoughts: If only maths could find out probability and show us wat outcomes are present so that we can make a choice and make informed choices about life. The probability of leading a good life?? It's like so many successive events being linked together. So.. just doin simple maths, u shld noe wat's the probability.

2008-03-29T18:56:00.003+08:00

Day 1 of the super hiong week ahead.

Okay.. today the 1st day of my super long week into April. 4x400m today was somewhat a misery for me. Well.. the good thing was that my start was good. Managed to keep pace with the leaders till 280m. The bad thing was that the last part wasn't as I planned. Just jammed. Haiz.. no discipline again. But I am over it le. I mean today's the 1st day only there is still tml, the day after and so much more.

Yeapz.. so now just chillin and c how it goes from here. Hmm.. this week mayb will also b too tired to listen or pay attention in class. Work will be undone so yea.. Haiz.. life of mine is just so sad. But amidst all the negatives, there are still things that I look forward to, things that happen already that will bring a smile to my face. HHas.. let's hope it continues this way. Well.. I dunno.. this year seems fairly different from all the past years. It seems more lonely than any of my past 17 years. Dunno why.. But just feel that way. Yea.. Just keepin a little more quiet than usual. Guess must b the growing up phase. No longer things are done when I want them. All things require effort. N even with effort, not many things can say b achieved. I learnt that lesson last year and this year. So that's just life I guess. We put in effort and await the outcome. If it's bad, than just heck N move on. If it's good than rejoice for it. The harsh reality of life but don't u agree that wat's makes life so beautiful also?? Yea.. so no matter wat. ALways look on the bright side. For when u look at the dark side, U will b wasting time and effort to tink on things that are settled but not things that are not done yet. There are so many things out dere that 1 can fight for.

Yea.. Off to shower and take the evening off for today. It's been a long long day and I am so looking forward to tml's 800m =)

Random thoughts: I decide to commit my time. Let's see the outcome after July. The last testament to my 2 years efforts. But without you, it is nothing. On a personal note, I wish the farmer dream of mine comes true instead of my current dream.

2008-03-23T13:54:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. this week although is supposed to be good, but wat irony.. I don't feel any good at all =(

This whole weekend basically like wasted. Super slack and all.. Nvr really got down and do some serious stuff. Well.. Just hope that in the end things will be alright. Tml is the start of a new week. Yea.. this week is like so many things happening. I can just foresee.

For Monday, still must go hair check -.- Than dunno wat will happen. I like wasted 2% of my whole year worrying bout hair. Haiz.. also dunno wat's wrong?? Just dunwan to tink bout it. Than tues, shld b okay. Wed, got the lame mock paper. LOL.. I haven't even started on J1 work. Hopefully can b more focused today and the 2 days ltr. Than thurs, shld b alright, than Friday gonna b an emo day for me. Cos some1 is leaving for good. Some1 that I took for granted for bout half a year or so.. It's that bitter feelin whenever something or one that sacrifice so much and asking for nothing in return leaves. I dunno.. Mayb this is called u nvr noe how blessed u're till u lost it. How rite this sentence sounds. Than Sat and Sun got SPH relays. Hope can better timing. Yea.. So pray hard.

Haiz.. it's been a tiring and sad week. Coupled with the rain, it really makes me tink and tink. About how things can change in the blink of an eye n so many things can b so unfixed. I really wish now that I was a kid all over again. Bein an adult is too tiring and tough. Sometimes, life really makes me feel perplexed. There is always something coming up and wat causes all these??

The answer is real simple. It is Man's desire for more. For power and glory. The never ending desire is the driving force behind so many things that we do. None of us are contented with watever we have. We always seek more N more. The irony of people saying life is too tough. Hmm.. I guess, than it's all bout perspective. How u look at things and c them. For me.... I dunno.. it's 1 of those years that makes me feel so emotional and mixed. Like something that I dunno wat to trust and tink.

Let's just c wat will happen bah..

random thoughts: U nvr noe till u lost it. Treasure those beside u.. But more often than not, we just don't and that's the flaw with human nature.

2008-03-17T20:35:00.002+08:00

It's the 1st day of sch. LOLx.. as usual, the more busy my life, the more I got to blog. LOLx.. Abit of irony rite?? Like sch start shld focus and stop doin things that wasting my own time.

But heck.. I so not in the mood to study anything. Wednesday there is Bio test. Damn siah.. Evolution like super smoky. Hard to decipher and smoke well. It's like smoking the smoke out. LOLx.. that's high lvl smoke. I am scared. Yea.. Wait.. I am not scared of the bio test. It's just something on wednesday also.. Something that I put in effort but the results are not showing. I just dunno Y.. I noe I can. Without stress, at home, I am able to pull it off, but why?? In sch, with so much unneeded pressure, I just can't do it. Let's hope that it will b okay by the end of this month. I so want to achieve it.

Today also I counted the days I have left in track. It's been like 1 year+ le.. So fast. It seems like only yesterday that I was so enthusiastic about track and all the dreams and wishes. But now.. It's all coming to an end. If u ask me whether I regret it, I will straight away say no. Cos I love running N that's why I join. But some thoughts just strike me yesterday. While warming up for the race, some1 told me like I run N run so much these 2 years. After all these, wat did I achieve?? Isit goin to help me any sort of way?? Shldn't we be more practical and focus on things that are more concrete and defining our future like studies?? After all.. JC is all bout 'A's and it is ultimately gonna decide what ur future will b. Yea.. that thought really stuck me hard and deep. So many times I have dreams and work towards them, but after all, this is something that has it's expiry date. After July, it's just gonna b memmories. All the number tags are just memmorial items. Han lao shi ask me once early this year. Is achieving a final's position so important?? Is that really gonna make u some1. This thought has always been buggin me. Yea.. coach say b4 that I will nvr b able to win a medal. Cos the competition out there is just too much. There is no placing for me. So a final's placing is all the best that I can achieve. Yea.. it's just a final position at local level only. People running for Singapore do not live on it for bread and butter. All runners in Singapore also have to engage in other activities as the competition on the world stage is just too much for them. So.. Is gettin into the finals so important?? That question, I am still unable to find out the answer.

Something to tink about for those that works hard towards achieving. But reality and dreams, we must noe where the line must b drawn.

Random thoughts: It's now or never..

2008-03-16T23:12:00.002+08:00

Hhas.. I am re-blogging in like almost 10hrs ltr.. But just needa write some things down.

I was looking back and staring into space this afternoon. Thinking of all dat has happened. All the things that I went through. Life that was more than the literal meaning of it. Yea.. U must b wondering wat the hell I am doin?? But then.. I just sieve through some old memmories things that are left all over my room. HHas.. the days that I thought that was right. It's amazing how at that particular time in ur life u tink that is the right way of life only to b rectified when u look back and laugh at how childish u're. Hhas.. It's just part and parcel of life I guess. Also.. I chance upon the thing that I used to keep. Very emotional as I looked at all those posts like so many years ago. It brings back memmories and serve as a reminder as how much we people have gone through. We hanker after glory, after riches, after power, but ultimately, when we reached the end of our life's journey, we take nothing of them away with us. A paradox of why we work so hard and be so nervous whenever a major exam or test comes rite??

But why do people still perservere on. Why do they still go after all these worldly possessions knowing that they can nvr own them fully. All I can say is humans are weird. I admit I am. Cos things we do when we view as 1st person or 3rd person is totally different. In that spur of that momment, things might look so right. So perfect. However, if we take a step back N look at the bigger picture, we might just laught at our insolent tinking.

Another thought also strike me. Sometimes we say things that we are unable to do. For example, we say that we love and care for somebody. But how much do we mean it?? I rmb some1 tellin me b4. The greatest things in the world happen when it's most silent. It made me think that our parents are the most ideal example of true love. They silently provide and still have to bear the brunt of our stress and fustrations that we abuse their love for. But no matter wat, they cry, they weep, they feel despodent, they still love us no less. They will always provide no matter wat happens. Be the 1st to share our joy or lift our sorrows. So in short, we have much more to learn about bein responsible for things we say. Actions speak louder than words. How true.. this sentence must sound.

Okay.. Must go sleep le.. tml's the 1st day of term2.. Well.. Things don't seem any better from term1, but stayin +ve is the 1st step to happiness =)

I hope this post can serve as an insight to those trying to find out more bout the meaning of life..

2008-03-16T14:58:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. today's a not so good day..

Haiz.. I dunno wat to say bout myself.. I just.. Nothing in the world I do seems rite. Even the thing that I am enjoying doin is not showing. Isit bcos last year I had the enthusiasm, but this year, I only have fear. Fear that I might not do wat I last time considered as a failure result. Scared that even can't achieve wat my former self can achieve.. Wat's happening??

I noe today I must have disappointed many. But most importantly, I disappointed myself. Why?? Isit that god must always play a prank on me?? Let me fail in the most ugly way?? Or this is a blessing in disguise?? I dunno.. I dont wanna tink anymore. It seems that so many things are slipping away. All aspects of my life. Even the 1 I treasure most and will fall back n seek consolance in it. This may b the 1st hurdle but it speaks volume. I am not performing. I seriously have cold feet and "lactic acid" that is not supposed to have even b4 doin anything. Cing all the happy faces today achieving their personal targets, but why?? WHy?? me I nvr achieve wat I set out to do. I will learn from this lesson, but learning and achieving is 2 different things. I have little time left.. Wat will happen in the future is like so close. The end of 1 part of my life is coming and I feel that I did not achieve anything. It's like.. All the promises all the dreams and fantasies that I can only think of in my virtual world is not integrating into my present life. It's just not. People may say that I can. But somehow, I don't feel it.. I dunno.. perhaps, I just loss the mind over body thingy. Now things for me seems to run on pure skill. Where's my youthful jubilance and anticipation that I had last year. All it seemed to run away from me since the day I cut my foot on that Siloso Beach. Don't let my fairytale end so soon can?? The stories of underdogs giv many hope and it gave me too. I realised that 1 element that seprates the favourites from the underdogs is their spirit. The nvr b afraid N chiong spirit. It's like so encouraging to c it in action. So.. If I can have only 1 wish, I pray for fairytales to happen..

However, saying so much, Deep down in my heart, I noe, races lost can b won again. Techniques loss, can b regained. Cos these are physical things that can b achieved. But something in the world that is so strong yet so far away from me.. Something that effort can't achieve. That is the something that is most dear to me..

Random thoughts: Am I good enough?? Or all these time, I am just a whimp hiding and refusing to acknowledge reality??

2008-03-13T20:45:00.002+08:00

Suddenly dunno how to start.. Like so long ago..

Hmm.. this half a month like nothing much also.. Life's been a little wet. Yeapz.. it's been raining like cats and dogs almost daily lol.. I tink I hear the sound of the rain again. Tml still must go Bedok reservoir for X-country. Dunno whether the guys wanna go back. Hmm.. than Sunday must go ITE(East) Simei there for the progressive meet 1. Sianz.. Life like so boring now. This March holidays got a little bittersweet feelin.. Yea.. it seems just yesterday.. That's 1 full year gone le. Seems like in life there will b certain times that we rmb clearly no matter wat. That's wat they call precious memmories rite??

Seems like tml not goin bedok le.. ^^ Yea.. 1 week up so fast lol. Tml is the last weekday. Than term2 starts. It's the 2nd term le. I dunno siah.. Cing so many seniors get their 'A's this year. So differing feelins and expressions from so many people. Some happy some emo.. I guess it's just natural. Makes me wonder wat emotions I will b in next year. Hhas.. Just experienced it recently also. But that's a small thing. Cos it's just Chinese. Quite delighted actually. I mean I dint expect but really hope for something ard that grade. Hopefully the major 1 last year which is PW is okay. =( cross fingers, it's just only bout 2 weeks more. That 1 I tink I will really scared. Cos it's like 10 POINTS!!! LOL..

Damn.. Y I am fretting over such stuffs. HHas.. Throw them away. Fun is me =) Anyways.. Han, the Shayne Ward music is super imba siah. Super nice. Today's the 13th. How significantly evil today can b. HHas.. Still go watch horror movie with Kuan teck, Han, Mel n Josephine. HHas.. quite nice I guess. Rule#1.. The story plot is nice. Though the starting was lame. LIke total no link to the end. Only the middle is nice. Not as gross as I expected, that's good. Reminds me of my secondary sch days watch horror movie than don't dare to go home alone..

Random thoughts: I wanna Sleep =) SO nice the weather.

2008-03-01T15:17:00.002+08:00

Today's a cold cold day..

Last nitez slept ard 1am after watching Yangz, Kuan teck, Sok yin n Hazel acting in the IHDC. Good job guys.. U have brought great honour to PUMA and 15/07 by acting =) Yeapz.. so no need to feel sad or angry that the results weren't really in our favour. Hmm.. so Fiona cheer up.. there's more to look forward to and make all those remaining opportunities count =)

So today woke up late like 8am. But who can b blame lol.. the weather so nice. Morining rain so the atmosphere was chilly chilly like dat. I love rainy days. It's just makes u feel so at home. Cing the rain fall and hearing the sound of it hitting hard surfaces coupled with the coldness feelin that it brings, it really makes u feel so calm n relaxed. Sometimes just admiring nature can b so relaxing =)

So got to sch n had training... Blah blah.. Boring life I have lol.. Not training means at home or sch. Seems like nothing great in life to look forward to.. Dunno is it me or every1 feels the same way too?? I was just wondering bout some random things that Cara, Hwee Sheng and I chatted yesterday afternoon b4 IHDC. It makes me wonder why some people can just get things done so easily. It sort of reminds me bout Maths. Yea.. LOL.. But U c, when u noe maths well, u can do alot of questions n find them simple. U can even choose to not do cos u noe le and if u want it back, u can just have it. But if u dunno the formulae.. No matter how hard u try, u just will not get the answer that u want. U will then start to blame is the answer wrong like in real life, we blame that it's their party fault for causing that thing to happen. Than we will then start to reflect on whether when we solve the sums, did any careless mistakes happen. Seemingly, in life we will also look back after the intial childishness period and start to reflect whether isit we chiong too fast or do 1 step wrongly or misinterpret people's intentions. Yea.. so I dunno.. it seems that the main crux lie in the ability to find the perfect formula. But like maths, we must noe when and how to apply. So, in conclusion, life is so difficult cos we dunno much bout the subject LIFE. If u noe, than I bet things will be very smooth for u =)

Yeapz.. today's the 1st of March le. That's fast...

Random thoughts: What is the formulae??

2008-02-23T00:24:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. tml cing the new route le =)

I tink I must change the way of writing entries. Everytime write all bout feelins, like so sianz.. Hhas.. than a not emo person try to write than bcome even more emo cos he reminded of things.. LOLx.. writing suppose to relieve stress so must change my style =)

Tml, or actually today needa wake up like 7am to go botanic gardens and I am still not asleep >.< color="#ffffff">Eugene, the only 1 that has true chance at this nationals is all alone. I so wanna b like a running parthner to him. So like can make the dream come true. But sadly, I can't even reach my personal best yet. Well, C how tml, I am trying to refresh my memmory on last year, and how I wanna achieve it. Hopefully, I can do it and so does Mugi and my beloved team =)

Okay.. shall sleep..

2008-02-18T21:39:00.002+08:00

Dunno Y nowdays feel a little lighter and happier than decided to blog more often...

actually nothing much happened today.. Yea.. just normal sch life n all.. than had track.. gosh.. today coach was tough.. Making us 6x200m non stop.. Hhas.. but compared to last year is quite slack le.. last year is 6x200m with 26-27 secs each 1. Now is 29-30 secs for 1. Haiz.. deprove deprove.. Well... at least 1 thing I am happy about is that this year national X-country I c hope. I am not a really optimistic person. But now I really feel that we may stand a chance. Cos today I dunno.. the signs seem to point towards that.. =)

I was looking through some old stuff while rumaging my room for my old sec4 calculator than I saw alot of history siah.. Like sec 4 photos, sec 3, sec 2. Than even some primary sch bomb bags!! LOLx.. I guess time really flies. I am now 17. This will b my last year of wearing uniform to sch. (Hopefully.. =( ) Than after that, will b wearing army's uniform n soon out to the working world where I dunno wat lies out there. Now just take 1 step at a time.

On a lighter note, I tink I really grew up. As in I c things now more lightly and not b like so the past me when things go wrong. I guess in cat high, where teahers always give in to me, I learned last year that the world out there is not as such and the only way to b really happy is to b able to take both the good and the bad. Be happy when things go right, than if things go wrong, just reflect and rmb it.

Random thoughts: There's so much out there for me now, but wat I wish that I only hav is that something that I said long ago.. The magnitude is only determined by U. I no longer hav ctrl but wish upon the stars and moon every nitez b4 I sleep.

2008-02-17T13:19:00.002+08:00

Weekends seem so boring so must kill time by bloggin XD

This week is quite memmorable. Actually this whole February. I tink I finally finalised wat I am thinking.. Well.. now at least I can focus on other things. Watched south park the whole of yesterday and felt that alot things in that show actually very meaningful. Hhas.. beautiful sadness by Butters. Yangz ar.. thanks for introing this show to me siah. It really soothes my heart. Hhas.. but I tink I watched that short 12 seconds like 100 times le lol XD Feel much better after hearing =)

"The only way that I can feel this sad now, is that I must have felt something good b4 to make me feel so sad now. So I have to take the bad with the good n wat I am feelin now is like a beautiful sadness." Hhas.. so meaningful. We always question Y must dat happen N lament that if I had the chance to make it right. But y don't we look at it from another angle, an angle that shows that we shld b happy dat we feel this sad is bcos good things happen to once b4. It's like if u nvr noe wat's happiness, how u noe wat is sadness when it is defined as losing something. Hhas.. I don't noe whether I am making sense.. LOLx.. Literature in sec sch not usually good de =)

It's now February the 17th. The journey is about to begin. I dunno what the future holds. It's like time seems so much, but at the same time so little. This journey now will be a hard and ardous one. One that really will b a test of character. Yi ming once said to me, "If we can survive the 'A' levels we can survive through anything" How right man.. Hmm.. March will b filled with practices and warm up competions. Than April so many of my frends will have their nationals. Me included. X-country at the botanic gardens lolx.. See flowers XD Hmm.. than May will b preparing for prelims. June will b killed preparing for mid years and Nationals. July Prelims+Nationals. Busy time ahead.

Just tinking.. after all this hype bout 'A's and all.. After JC, wat am I gonna do?? Suddenly like it's the end of uniform education le.. Hhas.. I wonder wat my life will b 5 years down the road?? will I b collecting my 1st pay check N share it with frends and family. Will I outgrow my sec sch uniform?? Till that I wanna wear and go back to c teachers it can't fit me anymore XD HHas.. I will keep that uniform forever..

Tink mayb sleep 1st. Super tired now. Went temple with parents just now to pray.

Random thoughts: Songs by air supply are seriously not bad =)

2008-02-07T00:30:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year =)

Hhas.. now the chinese calendar also is into 2008. Means.. Time flies. Hmm.. Dunno wat to write about cos now just basically trying to stay awake till bout 3am. I heard many say that if on new year's day, the child stay up late, the parents will live a longer life and I wanna my parents to b happy =) and always b there.

Today went back to CHS too. Woa.. miss that place. Finally collect my 'O' Level cert lolx XD it's been 1 year. Hhas.. the teacher say that mine is in the archive with the 2005 batch. Means some 2005 people havent collect their 'O' level cert. LOLx.. If nothing went wrong, they shld b expecting their 'A' level results soon le lol XD Seriously thrash me siah.. Hhas.. thanks Yangz and terry for reminding me or else I sure forget than mayb mine will move to the 2004 batch. XD

Also saw many old teachers. Will b very long to state all so I will just state all those important. MISS TAN, my form teacher and maths teacher in Sec4 =) Hhas.. she now married le siah. Miss all her teaching and life lessons. I mean I knew her since my sec 1 days but not really close. Than sec 4, it all happened. I seriously miss her maths lesson =( welll.. this is life and we all must move on. Still rmb all those nitez bein FORCED to stay back late into the nitez than took cab home and all dat. Hhas.. Miss those times. I can say that today really lost myself in all the excitment. Must b the boy's sch able to bring out the crazy boi portion of me =) Yea.. really wild siah, I tink must just be CHS. It really makes me feel at home and some place that I can turn to in times of trouble. I hope all ex and present cat high bois all feel this way. Especially those 10 years de XD

Tired le siah.. I tink I wanna sleep le.. Sleep and forget.. I just so wanna noe that I am not tinking the wrong thing..

2008-01-28T20:59:00.000+08:00

I am sooo tired now..

Yesterday nitez went out for drinking cos 1 of my frends really sad. Shant say the name to protect his secracy. Hmm.. Yea.. but still okay in sch. I mean brain can function and all but totally felt like sleepin all the time. Than by econs tutorial totally cannot maintain and I tink KOed all the way.

Than today during training ran 400m. I tink I deproved alot. I mean last year anyhow run also can run 57+seconds. Today, okay minus the fact that last nitez drank, last nitez slept only 3 hours and morning had PE, I still did bad lol.. Haiz.. Just abit more and hit 1 minute le lol.. Nvr mind.. Shall work on it and by March can achieve better =) (hopefully) =(

Okay lots of hmwork left undone. Bio mindmaps top the chart. Yea.. must do them soon so can hand up. Must do it for Mdm Han. Yea.. than also got other hmwork such as chem, maths, econs and GP -.-''' Gosh.. that's so much left to do.. I am gonna go crazy soon..

Hmm.. I dunno if this is the right decision, but I hav made up my mind. I don't noe wat will happen on dat day nor do I wish for anything. All I want is to get things off my chest cos keepin secrets too long can kill.. Anyways.. If many noticed dat I am upset over these few weeks, or not as high as b4, pls forgiv me pls.. I am just sorting out some stuffs and needa a few quiet momments to settle wat needs to b done. So.. Yea.. Just giv me a few days guys. I promise that I will b okay soon. I mean bein high all day can really make u crazy N I am still perfectly human. Meaning I hav my emotional side and quiet side. So I really don't noe how to act not sad so I shall b honest n it will b reflected on my face =)

I am fine don't worry ya.. Just dat things to b happy about these days are getting fewer and I need to find dat special feelin again =)

Random Thoughts: too tired to tink.. I tink I gonna sleep 1st.. Gosh.. I am such a pig.. >.<

2008-01-25T23:12:00.000+08:00

Yea.. The 4th week of sch ended X).. Dat means how many more weeks to the end of J2.. LOLx..

Hmm.. this week was sorta mixed emotions. Abit of sadness, abit of regret, abit of happiness and abit of dunno wat feelin =)

Hmm.. Today's Chem spa sux lol.. I dint noe today was pre-SPA till Yangz they all told me -.-''' So I tried studying in the 1and half hours break in the morning but Mdm Han needed to talk to us.. Well.. I am VERY VERY VERY glad that she is my PD tutor and how I wish she can b able to teach me all my remaining 5 subjects. She honestly does alot more than a PD tutor and I really treasure the good fortune that I have. So 15/07, we must treasure her ya..

Than on thursday, which is yesterday, finally said something dat I kept for soooo long in my heart. Hhas.. I feel so embarassed after saying lolx. But nonetheless, I gotta b honest N I dunno bout U but if u feel the same way too than HHas.. We been keepin it from 1 another for 1 full year lolx XD Yeapz.. we have all found our life's purpose and new direction, but that memory will forever be etched in our minds ya =) Hehe.. Still rmb last year chinese new year ya =)

I tink this year is really gonna b a test of my perservererance, my determination, my robustness, and my survivalibility. Yea.. so far I can c the painful future coming. For now, life seems okay. Well.. it's only Janurary and if things are not okay than means I am in deep shit. Yeapz.. Slowly bah.. the bridge is 1 whole year but I tink dat we some effort, hopefully dat won't b so.. This reminds me of wat Mdm Han said today. LOLx.. Dint noe I look like such lol XD

Tml must go out to do some Chinese New year shoppin, than tink catch up with some frends that I nvr c for sooooo long le lol.. =) Than nitez needa go console a frend. Haiz.. bz bz.. Hmm.. but dreams are beginning to form in my head and I hope they bcome a reality. This is wat keeps me goin =)

Random thoughts: South Park owns siah.. HHas.. some thing that makes me smile =)

2008-01-22T20:46:00.000+08:00

Hhas.. I am back ^__^

Okay.. I am dead.. Hhas Edwin just reminded me tml needa show Ong Bio SPA -.-''' Hhas.. I still hav lots of "CONSTRUCTIVE" things left to do XD HHas.. Guess will do it ltr bah.. Now still not in the mood =)

Hmm.. Been neglecting alot things recently. But can't b helped, I wanna put my mind N soul into play 1st. Thursday is the release of 'O' lvl results. LOLx.. I haven't collect my 'O' lvl cert yet lol =( Mayb goin on thurs. LOL.. Join in the J1s that r takin. All the best CAT HIGH.. Rmb last year this time... all the emotions, all the frends support. But most importantly... U.. Yea.. Thanks for bein dere for me last year.. =) Thanks.. HHas.. I rmbed the night b4 dat time.. HHas.. Forever in my mind lolx Xp

Okay.. I don't noe Y I am so high today =) Prepare 15/07, Tml I am gonna b soooo High and don't be shocked XD Yeapz.. Just so glad now.. I also don't noe why =)

I tink I am finding myself back. As in seriously. I can feel it. The true me.. My courage and all.. Today Kuan teck scare me lol.. Say I am emo =( Okay.. I wasn't high as usual. But u can't expect 1 to b high all day lolx.. Will go siao de lol =) Hmm.. I am okay Guys. It's just rediscovering myself back =)

Yeapz.. CNY is coming le. So is so many things. I am sooo excited to get on with all of them. I may b crazy soon but I can feel things will turn out nicely=) I will b true to myself, but I am just gotta do dat, the rest I will leave it up to god =) I wanna b myself and I gotta find the strength to b so..

OKie.. I needa go le.. Gotta convert movie to mpeg format.. Dunno how siah.. Must ask Yangz ltr =)

Random thoughts: OMG!! Jian Rong N Hwee Sheng.. Wo Bu Pei is sooo imba.. XD It made me find back that lost feelin.. THanks MAN XD

2008-01-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

Back to sch le ^^

Yea.. today was back in sch, but still like dead like dat cos my voice still abit coarse and low.. Tml there is Differentiation test and I still haven't study. Well.. it's just a timed practice so just c how things go bah. If I were to study for everything that is coming up, I will b test-crazy for like the whole year through. Just noe wat's important and c how others keep up.

Well.. life's quite relaxed now. Hmwork dont c piling up, but the hectic mess I left in J1 is still not cleared. Like Bio -.-''' No no more studies thingy on my post liaoz. Tml there is training to look forward to. Than there also the childcare thingy to happy about ^^ Hopefully we can ltr work something out with the teachers. Yea.. so shld b quite busy tml till nitez ard 8pm. Hmm.. busy busy. But dunno Y when things seem like piling up, I turn out to b slacking more =x HHas.. must b a bad habit of mine. Well, at least I noe sunday is meaningful.

Things are so much better now. After that nitez, the distance once cre8ted by me seem to hav evaporated. So glad we can b back to out usual terms =) like last year like dat.. Hhas.. but things hav changed and we too hav bcome more adapted to such life's demands. Just glad that we can still meet up as frends and hav a happy time together while we carry on with our own life. Yeapz.. So glad to hav known u ^__^

Random thoughts: I noe which direction, but will u nod ur head, or will u shake urs??

2008-01-16T08:52:00.000+08:00

Today I am sick =( Yea.. Head still spinning. But the sore throat much better and no more blocked nose and flu =) But voice still sound so coarse..

Yea.. I tink rest abit 1st bah.. Dunno today when I woke up at 8am, I just laid on the bed getting that feelin again. LOLx.. I tink last year ard this time was also sick or something. But recallin, I went to sch after cing doctor in the morining.. HHas.. dat was the time dat I really liked sch. Liked every1 there. Not saying now is bad, but the feelin today I got at 8am was as such. Yeapz.. It's been a year. Many things have changed. The initial honeymoon period of 1st 3 months still makes me reminice the past. Hmm.. I was just randomly tinking if ever I got the chance to relive J1 all over again, wat will I change. Well.. I can say that I will change loads of things. But then.. I am not complaining now =) cos really that's all part of growing up.. HHas.. Yeapz yeapz.. I rmb some1 tellin me b4 that if 1 can survive throught the 'A's, than there will b nothing that the person can endure through. I survived half the journey le. It's just the last round le..

I hope the rest of my class is havin fun in sch now.. I really hate bein sick, but yesterday was terrible and now still hav splitting headache. Hopefully can recover in time for Friday and go training. Hmm.. hopefully this year won't be a mistake.

Random thoughts: Lolss..

2008-01-13T11:09:00.000+08:00

My internet is still as slow lol >.<>

Well.. enough of sad stuffs. Last nitez was really FUN!! ^^ Hhas.. met up with 2 long lost frends. Glad dat we can still meet up and hav fun together. LOLx.. it's been 1 year since we met =) Many things happen I agree but we all still grew up and moved on and still treasure each another =) I will nvr regret noeing u all.. Yeapz.. Yesterday went out than hav dinner with dat frend. HHas.. it's been sometime le. I miss all ur crap and humour. Than walking from end to end of Orchard and seeing all the places that definitely bring back memmories. I dont noe whether u forgot, but I dint =) Than talked alot and hav dinner and all.. HHas.. it's been close to a year since I had dinner with u.. Well.. we came a long way and we each now hav our own life and all.. So much dat after J1 term 2 and 3 and 4 we dint hav time to contact each another. Than at 9.30pm we 3 met up and proceed to chill lol.. Yeapz.. Drank.. Hhas.. I tink I tried quite alot drinks at that lounge le lol.. But yesterday wrong wrong choice. My alcohol tasted like salt =S damn.. HHas.. Yi ming ur cuba libre tasted cool lol. HHas.. must forgiv our dear frend for mistaking that as coke XD

Ard 12.40am like dat we left the lounge and saw the 1st 1 of us off.. Than Yi ming and I took a long walk to somerset to take NR.. HHas.. Hocker.. LOLx.. I dint noe got such term. But we will c ard April if we free than can go down to support =) HHas.. I bet I will shout my lungs out lol HOCKER!!! XD Yeapz.. took NR and I dunno whether it is pure conicidence or something. I took a gamble on the NR cos I dint want to walk highway like last time so I took a few more stops down and just felt an instinct to press the bell to stop n guess wat. I stopped near the usual x-country training roads that I used to run so goin home was ard 22mins walk. Not bad compared to that time 1+hrs walk on the highway.. But yea.. exploring new routes. =)

Hehe.. If u 2 are reading, or happen to read, we shld meet up often ya =) Hmm.. Guess we will all b busy very soon with all our nationals coming and sch work piling. Meet up to study together ya =)

Random thoughts: dunno wat to tink. But I just noe that I hav alot hmwork to do now.. Econs, maths and GP Rally -.-'''

2008-01-09T21:16:00.000+08:00

Finally the blogger loaded.. Hmm.. I just got some thoughts that I thought will b meaningful to write down..

Yangz ar.. HHas.. yea.. we nvr show the true self of us out to others. I noe wat it feels.. But today morning.. I met some1 and well alot were said to me.. One thing that I thought will solve all major problems: "Look at the bigger picture, and do wat's rite" yea.. I tink I get the meaning le.. It was really enlightenning.. I mean.. I was troubled these few days and the mention of this phrase made me refocus on things that I actually lost focus on.. Just keep in mind wat is REALLY important and cannot be myopic.

Than ard afternoon, I seemed like found something back. Something like actually there's more to life. Like people who truly care and I noe that I can fall back on when the time comes when I need them to console me. I really thank YOU ALL.. It's just dat I noe that in case of any deep and dark momments, I will b saved cos there is always a helping hand for me to pull me up..

Than I got home, and listen to this few lines from a song. It says that we can easily ask others are they feelin okay or good?? We can also have the courage to say bravest things such as I love you. But the true real test is whether can u say that u're good and b confident bout it and not doubt urself. Cos with that attitude, nothing in this world seems impossible to b done. HHas.. If it doesnt makes sense than just forget bout wat i said =) Hmm.. something that we always lack - self confidence. We will need dat in all aspects. Not to the extent of bein show off, but 1 needs a certain amt to be able to face life challenges and come out of them good.

Random thoughts: LOLx.. so many life lessons in a day.. I wish that I can listen to them and b a better person. But than, wat defines a better person?? Well.. Life's journey as such N it can only get more exciting XD

2008-01-08T20:50:00.000+08:00

I just need a place to release my emotions now, so just let me say it..

It may not make sense to much of u all.. but here goes.. I dunno.. But it seems strange that history is repeating itself.. something that I do not wish will happen. But I am just a normal human being. I can't ctrl people's thoughts or noe wat they are. I am not sure whether it's just my problem or it is as such for others but they are able to control it well and not show it out. But I am not strong. Deep inside me.. There's the weak side of me. The 1 that I so won't show in front of others. But yea.. This is an important year n 1 that watever choices I make will b life changing. I dunno.. But I pray and wish that things will turn out okay.. But wat defines okay?? There are many interpretations to it. For some, having a roof and food on the table is okay.. For some, it is achieving great things that many yearn to happen. I do not easily let tears overcome me. Only if the event is really significant can it make me tear. N I am not afraid to admit that once I tear, I will usually tear alot. I am 1 that is happy most of the time but once I am sad, it will b a long long time.

I rmb consoling a frend back in last year November 2007. Shant disclose his name cos of his reasons. Yea.. he told me loads of stuffs which I thought I could understand, bout 'A's and all.. But I told him I understand and dat he shld just relax and let things run. He just said:" Nick, unless u can have the same experience, u cannot say that u understand me. Cos u don't. Not to b rude or watever, but just that some things needs to b experienced." I intially thought this was some nonsense, but now I understand his meaning. I mean somethings have to b experienced to fully understand wat is the meaning. I just wish that this period will pass soon. I really wish.. No matter wat.. I will still keep my smile up n face sch and sch mates and class mates with a smile =) But I wish one day, the happiness on my face will b a reflection of my heart..

2008-01-07T20:47:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. Like dead blog now le.. the last tag was like last year >.<

HHas.. but nonetheless, I feel so inspired to write(3 Hmm.. it's 4 days and 2 weeks into the new term and 2008 le.. Hhas.. it's just last week that people were waiting for 2007 and 2008 to come. Which means 51 more weeks to end of 2008!! LOLx!!! XD

I dunno.. but I get the feeling that 2008 will be somewhat special. Don't ask me why.. I dunno.. It's just that after pondering over something for sometime. I decided to b true to myself. Yeapz.. HHas.. It's kinda complicated.. Hmm.. For sch life, nothing much to say just that sch's been still okay for these few days. Wonder wat the future will b. But heck.. I am just gonna take 1 step at a time. As for track, we are now already into the preparation for X-country and Nationals le.. Yeapz.. Today we ran bout 185m I tink. HHas.. guess soon will b the crazy horse 200m reps. It's really crazy last year. Totally no background and was whacked so hard by coach that I tink the whole of J1 I did not have energy to last through lessons. Gosh.. No wonder I had to b advanced instead of promoted =( But it's all over. The new year promises new surprises and new hope. I wish that this year will b something memorable. Not just for academics but many other areas.

Yea.. tml got maclaurin's test which I havent studied =x than also hav GP essay that needs to b done and I havent do yet. Just 1 more though. than Maths paper and so many many.. LOLx. it's all the holidays hmwork still -.-

Random thoughts: Time will tell, I decided to stand and face the truth, but will I have the courage to handle the outcome?? Giv me StReNgTh!!!

2008-01-02T00:25:00.000+08:00

Tml's the 1st day of sch le..

I noe it might b a little late for year end reflections and new year resolutions but since I am so "NERVOUS" bout 1st day of sch I shall write them down (3

Hmm.. I rmb 2007 this exact same day I was out lol!!! Can u beliv it.. Tml's the 1st day of sch n at 12am of 2nd Jan I left house to go east coast that area!! HHas.. Really immature. I mean I was really dunno.. Like hoping for something impossible to happen and I gotta waste my time. Yeapz.. but nonetheless as a frend it seems rite to do so.. Than went to AJ late as promised to my OGL =x Gosh.. I noe she so wanna kill me lol.. Like who will tell Ur OGL to expect u late on the 1st day of sch!!! HHas.. way too wild le.. than the year roll by and many many things happen which will take a long long time if I were to write everything down..

Let me highlight some important stuff ba.. stuffs that are worth reminiscing and learning from.. Actually dere are many lol.. But most significant gotta b class 15/07 XD Yea.. every1 dere is so friendly and pleasant =) Well not to say that other classes that I belong to in some part of my life aren't memmorable, but currently now it is them that are special =) Yea.. without them and all, life in sch will b so dready.. Not to forget the TRACK TEAM too lol.. XD Hhas.. They are also special to me.. both groups of people really brighten up my day.

Hmm.. In general 2007 can b considered memmorable. Be it any month.. From coming in to AJ to promos to OP, every month, every day was memmorable. Althought it was memmorable, but it was not a really good year. So my 1 and only new year resolution: Do things that I will not tink after I do cos I noe that I did my best and there's nothing else I could do to change it but accept and smile that at least I gave it my best shot (3 I dunno whether it makes sense, if it does I do wish that u also can apply it. If not, Just wish me all the best in doin wat I wrote (3

yea.. this new year was special, N I noe it will continue to b 1.. Dont disappoint me 2008, let me say at the 31st of december 2008 that 2008 is the best year of my life (3

Random thoughts: I will b true to myself 1 more time.. But there's a thin line between stupidity and bravery..

2007-12-26T00:33:00.000+08:00

Still can't get to sleep =(

It's been a hectic 10days since the 16th dec. SL and SL.. but it was fun I must admit. Let's see I tried all 4 malls. Plaza sing, Bugis Junction, Lot 1 and Junction 8. Hmm.. I spent the longest time at ps though.. I tink 5 shifts there than 1.5 at lot 1, 1.5 at bugis and 1 at J8.. So that means I did 9 shifts -.-''' so many lol.. But all were fun N I did not dread goin home for either of them.. Hmm.. but conclusion Bugis Junction was the best. At least for that day that I go.. So packed that I only had time to go toilet once n chiong all the way..

Than 2 days ago was my b'dae lol.. Hmm.. but this year was unique. Started off all my frends sent me and all.. Hehe.. I shall post the 1st 3 and last 3 that wished me happy b'dae and their time =) LOLx.. till today than I noe that wishing at last minute is also good -.-'''

The 1st 3: Daryl at 11.59pm of 23rd, Josephine at 12.07am on 24th, Elaine at 12.21am of 24th =)

the last 3: Terry supposedly at 5+pm of 24th, Kelvin at 11.55pm on 24th, Yan Lin at 11.59pm of 24th..

Yeapz.. Thanks to all who rmbed.. I am sincerely touched by u all.. =) Hmm.. Yea.. on 23rd, Daryl called me out to celebrate and 24th got ben, gene and Ckay to celebrate with me ^___^ been some time I seen them all.. I mean we were close during sec sch days.. Playing and having fun always. Than come JC, all split into different JC or different class and all have their new found friends. That's life isn't it, u meet new people and old friends tend to lose contact. But it is only true friendship that can withstand the test of time. It's like almost a year since talking to them and they could bother to go out with me to hav fun on my b'dae, I am really touched =)

Today's the 2nd day of christmas.. Hmm.. Will b at home till Friday at least ba.. Than needa go out on that day to buy team bag. It's been like almost a year since we kept saying we wanted a team bag lol -.-''' Finally the guys want to move and go buy =) than friday also gotta go back to Catholic high for BBQ. LOLx.. when did a camp hav BBQ de lol.. LIke chalet like dat.. Than most probably gonna go out after dat with some to pool or kbox. Another festive period coming up.. =)

Random thoughts: I Just love festive periods dont u agree?? X)

2007-12-16T01:16:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. today is really meaningful or shld I say tonight =)

Woke up super late as usual.. Like 10am like dat.. Yea.. cos a bit sick. Sore throat and headache in the morning. Hmm.. okay skip all the boring day issues of stoning N playing piano and all..

Hmm.. the nitez. Went to J8 tonight for my SL shift. Learnt how to wrap gift from Keet Yeng. When I got there saw like the queue super super long than thought all there the people cannot tahan le than need more manpower, than was feeling guilty that nvr go earlier and still must trouble them to teach.. But turns out every1 was queueing for the information counter =) So super slack.. Like almost nothing to do.. Learned wrappin than wrap some gifts and all.. Soon my shift people were all dere le.. Kelvin, Jian Rong, Fiona and Elaine =) Yeapz.. so we just chatted and waited.. Hmm.. than 12 midnitez came, all went home respectively. Luckily got this Uncle Anthony. He super nice siah.. As in he really he is very great person. He fetched me all the way back to Yishun than he needa turn back to Bishan to Salvation Army to return the money pail than go his house in Woodlands. Like so bu shun lu lol.. Shld hav asked him to put the money and I wait for him =( feel so guilty that he had to make 1 big round for me. I tink by the time he get home will b 1.40am to 1.50am like dat ba =( I feel so evil.. Hmm.. but he's really a nice guy. He talked to me about helping the needy and dat no matter wat we do, we shld always show care and concern to others cos that's just human nature. All of us hav a small spot. No matter how small. Yea.. No 1 can live his whole life not wanting to show abit of care and concern to others. Be it family or frends, or even accquaintances, one will want to show care and concern or else life will b missing something. I dunno how others tink bout this, but this is wat I tink.. Yea.. so really nice chatting to him and I wish him all the best in his future work and studies ^____^ been really inspirational talking to this Uncle Anthony =)

Than came home, slacked. Just talked on Msn with Kang Seng, and he said that Ken told him that there's an improvement in my running and he can start to c the covered gem shining =) Thanks guys.. All ur encouragement. Hopefully next year can really do it right for u guys. U all gave me a chance to run this year's national X-country for exposure, I will always remember this good grace u all did for me. I will do all my best to do Track team proud next year. Though it will b tough, I will grit my teeth hard and perservere through. Coach has given me alot support too. Told me my hurdling technique is finally rite n all I need to work on now is my 400m pace and stamina =) Than for X-country he say I am perservering better than earlier this year. He says the AJ team stand a chance next year ^____^ so glad to hear all these. I will do u guys proud next year seniors and coach =) I promise. With Eugene N Mugi for X-country I tink we will achieve good results next year =)

Random thoughts: -NIL- X)

2007-12-12T14:56:00.000+08:00

Back from Track chalet le =)

HHas.. I must say that track chalet was more fun than I expected.. As in it is really special and during these 2 days and 1 nitez managed to noe my team better ^___^

Okay lets see..

the 1st day, had training in the morining as usual than after dat when to somewhere 1st b4 meeting up with them at 4.15pm Than it was raining heavily so had to run in the rain to catch the bus with them. Was soaked like a wet chicken lol -.-''' yea.. super super wet. Than gotto the chalet. At 1st like nothing to do.. so I follow eugene to tour pasir ris. The chalet was the other chalet beside 15/07's class chalet earlier this year so pass by then got memmories of the class. I miss all of them siah =( Hmm.. than we explored the whole pasir ris than come back. By then, Mugi and roystan was starting the fire le. Than I just went in to watch TV with the others 1st.. After a while the fire seem to b unable to start and so went out to help with the BBQ lol.. Than the seniors came. HHas.. all guys de lol.. Rama, Clement, ken n Jia zheng were there only lol. It looked more like a J1 track team chalet lolx.. Hmm.. than the fire like keep dying so Eugene and I kept goin to buy fire starters . that nitez i tink we used 3 boxes of fire starters so about 120 of them were used. LOlx.. we like super noob like dat =( Finally, the 4 of us, Mugi, roystan, Eugene and me finally got the stupid fire goin at 11pm like dat and managed to cook finish by 1am like dat. Than we went to slack, bathe and come back played cards with the rest. LOLx.. Angela said she wanted to play wat murderer game lol.. Turned out to b so lame -.-''' But though it's lame, it was fun I must say =) Hmm.. than play more card games till like 5.30am than alot cannot tahan le. So many just KOed on the mattress and all.. I cant sleep so ltr just went out for morning walk. Hmm.. the morning walk was really meaningful I believe. Hhas.. combed the entire pasir ris beach and just saw the sky brightening up but no sunrise =( Hmm.. just kept walking and talking bout stuffs and all.. Hhas.. than also managed to c Mr Ang doin his morining run and said hi to him =) Hehe.. some1 still dont beliv it's him lol Xp Somemore say I wrong Xp

Hmm.. went back to chalet at ard 6.40am like dat. Thereafter, I dunno wat happen le.. Cos I just KOed and dunno wat happen till roystan asked me wat I want for breakfast. Hmm.. than ltr the main grp was back from breakfast and we watched dunno some very funny ice-skating movie =) ltr.. the same 4 again went to Wild wild wet =) It was boring lol.. the same rides over and over again. But not bad lah. Eugene and I went to the dunno wat ride.. the one that 2 people go high than slide down damn steep. I rmb cing it outside 15/07's chalet =) HHas.. R u jealous Josephine and Fiona =) I ride it lol X) hmm.. than continue slacking and all.. than went back. Hmm.. than went out to play frisbee with Roystan, Stephanie, Shao, Jenson and Angela =) HHas.. it was real fun but not for Jenson got sand enter his eyes. Hope he's alright. Luckily, Angela blew and blew than okay le =) Hmm.. ltr ard 7pm when back and the rest bathed cos I needa go home in teh nitez so I dint bother. Hmm.. played cards with them till 9.30pm like dat than dad was here to pick me up to go home =( so sad when leaving them lol.. How I wish can stay 1 more nitez X( but.. yea.. got home. Hmm.. by this time they all shld b at home too I guess.

These 2 months the chalets were really the best things that happen these holidays =) I totally beliv that 15/07 n the track team rox lol XD SO many good people N frends in there =) I dunno wat joy and happiness and consolance I can find in u all come J2 =) During sch hours hav 15/07's company, after sch =) got the team for company =) My life is way too good le =)

Random thoughts: LOlx. I dunno why I thought of such random stuffs for the previous post, but not now liaoz =) too many good frends for me to put healthy thoughts into me =)

2007-12-08T02:28:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. soo late le still cant sleep =(

Last nitez also dint sleep well.. Guess nowadays like having insomania like dat lol.. Nitez time cant sleep.. So slept for only 3 hours than go for training at turf city.. Hmm.. turf city. That place brings back memmories.. All the tears and promises.. The anxiety and fear.. All that has happened.. Hmm.. that place has changed alot too since the last time I visited. The stables seemed more new, the route seemed more runnable. Than got more distance markers too.. But had to leave early cos needa go somewhere.

Today's afternoon was memmorable.. Hmm.. yea.. U all noe who u're rite =) cant say much cos ltr let the cat out of the bag than spoil the fun le.. =)

Than on my way back today, I actually met MIKER!!! LOLx.. his life quite happening lol.. CIP lah, working, school, frends, personal life.. Kaoz.. I never thought 1 person could handle so much.. Somemore Hwa chong's canoe Vice-capt. Very pei fu u siah MIKER. HHas.. hope can c him round the corner soon.

It made me tink, in life we meet people and some still stay in contact, some drifted, some still have that mutual trust and understanding after so long. It really makes me wonder wat kind of thing is relationships. I mean all kind of realtionships. Be it friends, best buddies, ur special half, ur parents, ur siblings and so much more. Wat is relationship actually?? N how unpredictable it can be. 1 momment u can b so close, but the next, nobody will noe. It's so exciting yet so scary at the same time. Food for thought huh =)

Hmm.. tired le.. guess goin to sleep le bah.

Random thoughts: Shld I seek an answer or let things continue?? But letting them continue, I am unable to focus?? Wat shld I do??

2007-12-04T03:30:00.000+08:00

Continuation:

So after nitez cycling went back and all of us showered lol.. than after showering, I went out to c the early morining atmosphere. Hmm.. saw a mother there cryin in the middle of the park. Dunno wat her son did siah.. Must b he had a sip too much than go siao siao =(

Oh ya.. must praise Cara, Melissa and Keet yeng they 3 allowed all of us to sleep on proper matresses or beds on the 1st nitez after nitez cycling which was super tiring lol.. So grateful to them.. Hmm.. than went to return bike and I tink I cycled half the seaside lol.. finding that bicycle shop -.-''' Than breakfast.. bla bla.. after that the girls went escape, guys went pool and lan.. than after that I experienced my 1st 15 mins in the toilet of pure bathing =) LOLx.. nvr in my life bathe so long de lol... Hmm.. than later BBQ. I am nvr gonna try to start fire again lol.. the stupid charoal so dark than got my whole shirt and shorts all so black =( but than ltr bathe sleep.. quite normal..

On the last day the morining, we woke up early to watch sunrise. I rmb only hav 8 of us. Noeleen, Yangz, Fiona, Josephine, Hwee sheng, Kuan teck, Terry and me =) But dint really managed to c the sunrise as it was a cloudy morining. But it was real cooling sitting by the seaside and blowing the cool sea breeze.. Sittin there makes me recall the past. wat happened 3 years ago, back when I was sec3. Hmm.. than draw on the sand and stuff.. Hhas.. also got 1 dunno wat kind of creature that is X) I tink I was reall bad. Made it drown.. =( but nvr mind.. than ltr had breakfast and we went back to sleep. But the last hour dunno how I made the smackdown able to function and terry, hwee sheng and me had so much fun lol X) \

Checked out, went white sands for lunch.. They showing pokemon at tat time. than I tink I like small boy sit there watch =) Hmm.. ltr all departed and that's the end of the chalet =(

Chalet I must admit was real fun.. =) I totally dint regret goin =) Hhas. shld do this again more often. ^____^

Hmm.. than I was also randomly tinking about something over these few days. Doin wat I deem as rite.. Follow ur heart.. But that I conclude that 1 thing that y people dont dare to follow their heart n do wat they want is for the fear of failure or rejection. As in b4 1 do anything, he or she will tink and try to predict wat outcome has the highest chance to happen. N usually it is fear of bad outcomes do 1 refrain from doin anything. But keepin things like that only makes 1 feel much worse and terrible =(

Hmm.. Just something to tink abt =)

2007-12-03T00:31:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. Okay San Jie(fiona) I will blog about class chalet like u asked lol =). Soooo kind of me rite =)

Hmm.. yea.. class chalet was fun. I must admit that it was one of the times that I find life have meaning to it. I mean I really relaxed and enjoyed every single minute of it.

Hmm.. Okay let's start on the 28th november...
I only rmbed Han wei told me to bring poncho for Jenn.. But ltr turned out that Jen doesnt want -____- LOLx.. Hmm.. than I tink I reached White Sands shopping mall at ard 1+pm and met up with san jie and mel 1st =) Listen to san jie's original composition n I really tink u hav a flair for music composing lei =) Hehe.. Very nice that english song. But I tink ur chinese 1 more special. I dunn.. Ur english one sounds like the style is adapted from somewhere, so when I listen, it seemed familiar. But nonetheless.. GOOD GOOD =) Jia you ya.. Someday u might write songs for ur idol, Ke lun if i dint rmb wrongly X) than the rest came back from lunch and we were off.. Reached coasta sands and we checked in.. Than the girls decided to hav some pillow fight 1st and the guys were so captivated by burnout!! X) Ltr.. the girls went out to hav their walking and talking session, whereas the guys played burnout. Than all went to have dinner... Than nitez cycling.. Hmm.. while waiting for kel at the busstop, Yangz and I watched the MMORPG video again lolx XD So cool lah.. Than I sorta miss PW.. NO nO.. I dunwan to miss it X( Hmm.. but I must admit I do miss my group.. Kel and Yangz still see often. Elaine, hhas.. okay giv u face.. Got miss also =D But sin yi nvr see for more than a month le lol.. =( miss alll heer labby talks and all =( Yeapz.. PW really is tiring yet memmorable. I am sure u all 4 will agree with me rite?? =)

Nitez cycling: we started off riding to tanah merah 1st lol.. hmm.. the cool nitez breeze.. so refreshing lol.. Hmm.. I cant really rmb much le.. cos I like blur blur by that time than come back to cool down and wash up..

----- I tink I am gonna leave the rest till next time =) so much to write still------

Till next time =)

2007-11-24T20:54:00.000+08:00

Argh.. I hate myself.. Since wednesday morning I been watching prison break, Playing com game, than watching heroes.. Sianz.. wasted like 4days le.. -_____-'''

I needa write something here to remind myself in the future.
Coach told me on Friday :1) Pull Leg across and not jump with both leg
2) Swing forward and not force it down
3) Don't horse kick
4) Keep foot lock dont raise or angle it down

Hmm.. I tink I must start doin some productive work soon.. Let's see.. today is wasted. Ltr still goin out.. Than tml, mayb sleep and wake up late. Must start doin something tml. Than Monday hav training and sure after dat hav some wasting time session with the guys. Tuesday.. Okay must must do something then. Than Wednesday to Friday class chalet and the whole November month is gone =(

Just like dat 1 month is gone. I wasted so much time.. Still got so many things to do.. Training been like hell.. So many. Not to mention december got to double train. Cos needa prepare for X-country next year and track. Both like so diff lol. 1 is bout speed, another about endurance. Haiz.. so busy busy. And not to mention wat the guys told me dat must put in effort for NAPHA =(

Hmm.. So much to do and so little time. Saw a old classmate today and noticed that he changed so much lol.. Like total diff person from sec school.. Really shocked siah.. Well.. last year this time most probably havin grad nitez ba.. Hhas.. although it was lame, but I must admit that it was very fun =) Hmm.. Just 1 more year to go..

Random thoughts: When do u noe that u're doin something rite??

2007-11-16T19:33:00.000+08:00

Today=super tiring -___-

In the morning, went to training as late as usual =(. 2/2 times this holiday le lol =(. Than owe 4.8km.. Nvr mind.. training got on as usual and there was this Temasek sec boy that ran the 6x200m with us. LOLx.. Wat test test market.. He came in 1st in almost all 6 lol.. Last 1 somemore say 27+secs, but than 26.7secs -_____-'''.. Hmm.. shows that we need more training. Hence, Roystan, Yi yang, Tiong Peng, Mugi and me went to Yio chu kang gym to build up ^___^ Hhas.. we spent an hour there. Stupid AJ lol.. renovate the gym than dont open.. How to train lol.. But the yio chu kang certainly have more up to date equipments than AJ lol.. Than went with them to North point and slack till 5pm. Came home and KO till now =(..

I suddenly feel very insprired lol.. I dunno why I am so looking forward to 2008 and I noe it's for the rite stuffs =) Like wat is goin to b of national x-country, nationals, A levels, NYAA next year.. Hmm.. so looking forward suddenly. I tink just now sleep that time bang head lol.. But nevertheless so lookin forward suddenly =) Looks like next year is gonna b real busy for me.. With so many commitments. Hmm.. just went class blog and Yangz reminded there is NYAA silver to complete. LOLx.. the camp I havent even do.. I tink the physical recreation part full only lol.. See how.. I rmb Roystan asked me b4 whether want as track organize some camp =) Mayb next year team camp?? =)

Hmm.. I have survived 1 year le.. Althought dint officially make it to year 2.. But that means I am rock bottom and the only way is UP!! - as quoted by Yangz X)

Yeapz.. Principle told me that now I am the last 10% in school like that. Than minus those bein dropped out.. Which means next year I start off as bein rock bottom in the whole chohort. Well.. It's not the ideal place to start, but in Catholic High I was also rock bottom till 3 n a half months b4 'O' levels.. I take it as a blessing that at least I noe at end of J1 =) Hhas.. I dont care if laughed at bein too optimistic, but it's this sudden inspiration after I woke up just now =)

Random thoughts: 2008?? I noe that this will b 1 year I look back my entire life and not regret =) Now... it's just 365days and counting =)

2007-11-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. it's been some time le..

Today went to watch "Beowulf" with Mugi, Roystan and Eugene =) the show was good lol =) Shld watch it.. Hmm.. yea.. life's so pleasant and sweet now.. It's just way too normal le.. Yesterday also heard from some juniors that their 'O' levels are offically over ^____^ HHas.. it reminded me of my last year.. After that history paper, I totally went wild.. It was like life stop for pure relaxation. Nothing but relaxation and fun. I dare say that time after the 'O' levels, goin out with frends, having fun is one that I will nvr forget. Hmm.. but now, look at me.. I am just trying to catch up with J1 work in preparation for the last part of my education life, Jc2. I dunno.. back in catholic high that time, I really nvr feared. As in, although sec3 promos screwed, but somehow somethings will do something for me next year. But I dont feel it now. I gotta still thank gods that I managed to promote to J2 next year. I was very lucky. But still.. It fears me.. I dunno if I can make it anot??

I long for the time after 'O's.. the grad nitez.. the sentosa fun, the many stay overs, the sleepin at anywhere in singapore cos there's no bus home. I miss all that wildness. But.. that's after JC2 than can things hopefully be like that. But there is army after dat -____-

Hmm.. It seems so close yet so far. I mean 365days. It can b so fast, yet so slow. Luck has saved me once in sec3. Than with some more sheer luck and some hardworkingness, sec4 was saved. I mean, considering only 3 and a half months of studying to get into AJC was not bad. That I must admit cos my effort, when compared to my peers, is totally minuatual.. Than Jc1, I really thought could play a fool. But I was wrong and paid a price. Both times in sec3 and 4, I didn't have to pay a price. But now.. I paid.. I dunno if next year I will still have to pay. Or even worse, luck ran out and finally the true me will show. I dunno....

Let's c how the future will b in 365days......

Random thoughts: when can I finish my prison break?? =D

2007-11-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. been some time since I said something =(

Dunno why when like no exams than more busy =(. HHas.. okay.. hmm... these few days alot of revelations were made by me. I dunno.. It seems that it is so fragile. Anything can happen. Things can change so suddenly. It really makes me lose trust in everything. Wat is real and here to stay?? I dunno.. I really dunno.. Wat can I beliv in?? I also dunno.. I just dunno.. Than people will say let nature take it's course but isnt that a decision on it's own also?? I also dunno... LOLss..

Hmm.. than revalation 2, I dunno wat is right and wat shld b my choice.. Hmm.. Just dunno.. Like choices hav to b made, but I dont want to live to regret. But wat will I choose that I will live with regret?? I also dunno.. I honestly feel guilty sitting on the fence and not doin anything. But it's just that things seem more complicated than it seems..

Hmm.. guess will b tinking and pondering over these 2 thoughts for some time. Haiz.. Hmm.. I dunno.. Today supposed to run with Edwin de.. Than I ps him =( Sorry Edwin. Hmm.. Shall make up with him like on thurs.. Now.. I just wanna relax and do the things that will keep my mind off things.. 1 more long year.. wat will it turn out to b?? wat corners awaits me?? I dunno.. But when I meet a corner, Will I have the courage to face it and be proud that at least I said it.. I dunno.. =(

Random thoughts: 2008 is so exciting, but Y do I fear for life to proceed on?? I dunno.. Wat is the right decision?? the choice that I won't regret for life?? Life's all about choices..

2007-11-01T22:37:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day.. Went out with the best class in AJ, 15/07

1st thing in the morning.. went to run maritchie reservoir with Hwee sheng, Kuan teck and Jun yang. HHas.. than after that we went out to play dunno board games and pool.. Was real fun.. Hhas.. running to play within a certain time limit =)

Hmm.. I dunno wat else to write. Usually blog when have alot of problems that I just need to release. Hmm.. nothing but happy emotions fill me now. So I also dunno wat to write about.. Hmm.. tml must go training le. Just received a msg today form the capt tellin me that after promos, my attendance is damn bad.. Like 1/4 only =( well.. tml better go back and show face. I so wanna accomplish something next year =) Something of this year still haunt me =( I so wanna delete this image and replace with better 1 next year =)

hmm.. Nothing else to say le so shall stop and try to sleep early =)

2007-10-29T17:48:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. today was day of chinese 'A' Levels.. I dunno.. Dont wish to say any further about it except that things were.. not really good..

Yea.. okay chinese aside.. It cant affect my good mood today. At least I noe that that was an account of my chinses. If I were to look bad and tink is dere anything I can change, I will just say I am happy bout it. I wish results will support my tinking.

Okay.. Hmm.. today is happy happy day ^____^ Hhas.. I dunno why but yea.. Hmm.. gotta do OP soon. It's the last 5 mins and I wanna do a good job for it =) After that, things will b so fun N relaxed =) Of course next year starting off with 1 lesser unit but who cares =) HHas.. Can't wait for life to continue. There are so many emotions for me to feel. Hopefully not alot emo 1s =(

I suddenly dunno wat to say le.. hmm.. Just happy and happy.. =) glad that it's only 2 more days and nitez away only ^____^

Random thoughts: Is this a blessing in disguise like I thought today was??

2007-10-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. short post.. Cos needa go read some chinese.. dint study for it so far =(

Hmm.. Yea.. chinese 'A' levels tml and so not prepared >.<>

These week like nothing much happen. very boring.. Yea.. these few days do not have anything that makes life more exiciting. HHas.. I tink will b much better after wed's OP. Till then, I got so many things to do. Chinese, I&R and OP. Tough tough life..

Yea.. thanks 15/07 for all ur concern *as seen by the tagboard ^____^* Very glad to b with u all for 1 year and 1 more year to come. I look forward to sch cos of u all =) I am happy now. Really. Sat's OP extra with u all was really fun =) HHas.. I cant imagine how much fun the class chalet will b and the SL ^___^

Hmm.. I suddenly randomly thought of J2. I am thinking wat will happen next year. It's like the last year of hiong education. Wat will it turn out to b?? Wat surprises will b installed for me next year?? Will there b laughter and tears or happiness at the end of 'A' levels, or tears of regret that I never took it seriously. AH.. Y am I tinking of such stuff!!! HHas.. heck those for now =) the end is approaching =) YEA!!

Random thoughts: Is there a corner in my life that will give me a pleasant surprise??

2007-10-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

Haiz... I am tired n lolss in life..

Today, was really an insightful day for me. Yea.. PW OP was totally screwed for me. Not bcos of the comments given by Miss Ng that I thought that Is screwed. It's bcos of I noe it.. How can dat be??!! I dont noe. Nvr in my life did I tink that I screwed. Today was really 1 that I felt I did. Coupled with Miss Ng's comments, I think I was totally goner. Hmm.. I dunno wat to say but I just wanna tell the class that I am sorry for wastin their time in hearing all my bull.. I mean it was so smoky that I can even feel that I am smoking.

haiz.. Emo.. But I am okay le lah.. It's just dat when I recall today, it's sort of still haunt me abit.

Okay.. on a +ve note, I tink I can finally c the light. I mean for the 'A' levels subs that I am taking this year. I just needa put in more effort and focus!!! Yea.. than after that, I can do it.

Hmm.. For now.. I just dunno.. I really dunno.. There are many questions I want answered but than I dunno whether the answer I get is sastisfaactory. As such, I rather not bother bout it. Many questions on life.. Hmm.. I guess somethings are really puzzling.. I wish that every1 will b happy that's all.. But I want to b happy too. I dunno.. I just feel so alone. I may seem strong in sch laughing n joking, but that is all thanks to u all care and support 15/07. without u all, I dunno whether I can b happy. Yea.. I need support. My class giv me the care I need in sch, but when at home, I dunno.. These few days feel so lolss in life. Okay.. no more emo.. I must live with it. Blame myself. Cos all these were caused by me alone. ALONE. I made a big mistake and now I am paying all my debts.

Hmm.. Random thoughts: Dont have.. Not thinking..

2007-10-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. long time dint post le..

Hmm.. tonitez guess must really sleep late le.. Damn.. this few days been having dinner like 10+ -.-''' than always so full than cant sleep. Or shld I say dunwan to sleep cos will bcome obese de lol. As said by my mom. Hmm.. sianz sianz.. next week A levels le. Yea.. but not really the full thing so not really scared. I actually not usually scared for exams de. Unless when the results come out than usually I will emo. But I guess life's as such N I shld treasure it the way it is. Life's not really bad now. I mean at least I learned to c it from a +ve point of view. Wat's the point of bein emo through ur life. It will only cos more harm than good. That's why I look forward to each new day now. Although tough obstalcles are ahead, but that's wat moulds character doesn't it. Life without failure is not a life lol. Hmm.. But I dunwan so many failures too =p

Real sleepy now. Guess shall go N bathe than sleep le. Okay.. no mood to write more.

Random thoughts: What marks will give ur life?? For me.. I dunno.. But I noe when it is 100 marks =p Get wat I mean?? =)

2007-10-21T17:41:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. I suddenly dont noe how to organize my thoughts..

Well.. these few days been busy running up and down. But ya.. shld b okay bah.. I dunno.. Now my feelings are that I am very lonely.. Too lonely le. I suddenly long for a spark to kick off this dull life. I feel like a puppet. One that has nothing in life and just live for the sake of living and that things nvr ever b right. Hmm.. I also dunno why I am writing such stuff.. >.<

Haiz.. hmm.. I dunno.. I now feel lolss. N it's not cos of the studies or watever. Just feel lolss.. Haiz.. Not say emo, but not say happy enought to last through.. I dunno wat this is called. Just that life seems to b missing an important portion. Yea.. I really dunno wat I am thinking!!!

I was just thinking.. When things are said so explicitly, isit worth holding on and praying for a miracle. Well.. I dunno.. Cos I... Hmm.. let's just say that hoping and praying means that u're gonna devote more hopes into it n sort of really wish it will happen. But the problem is that when it doesnt happen, U will seem like crashing from heaven to earth like that. U will b very sad. Or shld I say only me. Yea.. I dunno.. Just just.. dunno.. Nothing seems right suddenly.. Nothing. I really dont want to b dissapointed again. I mean the feeling sux. But than.. will I?? Shld i tink about it?? Shld I do things that I nvr live to regret?? But wat is things that I will live to regret?? I dunno.. so many questions r in my head now. It's like its nvr ending. I dunno if this is bein hopeful. But I really wish for some miracle.

God was kind and so to giv me a present once. Really kind. Till today, I nvr regreted it. But, I was dumb to throw all that away. I forsaken that cos of my immaturity. But now.. after all that, is this another gift?? I dunno.. Or shld I b contented with wat is happening now??

Lolss.. and confused.. Dunno wat is right =(

NOT Random thoughts: Why others seem so easy?? why for me it always look so complicated?? Or mayb it is complicated?? Doin anything requires courage to be prepared for any failure, But why do I not have it anymore?? I dunno..

2007-10-20T19:03:00.000+08:00

hmm.. I dont noe how to start this entry but its gonna b emo... cos after this is my yesterday thoughts, though it is not now..

Okay.. yea.. life's bad.. I mean I have to drop subs. Yea.. It really happens. I am just so dissapointed in myself. I dont really noe wat to say about myself. I mean.. Like reality hurts. It really hurts. I cant rmb the last time tears rolled down my face. It could most probably a few months back?? But when yesterday I left sch, left all my frends company, I just cried my heart out. Yea... the stars were really comforting. Looking back at this 2007 year. Many things happen. 1stly was coming to AJ for PAE. Yea.. really fun at that time. But I made a mistake which till today I still regret. Than life was terrible for the month of April N May. But soon I got over it and met nice nice people from 15/07. People who honestly care for u. People who I can say that r frends for LIFE!!! Yea... than life was pretty much surrounded by the vicious cycle of studying and so.. Haiz.. But due to my constant procrastination, things were left to the very last minute and yea.. It just sort of crumble yesterday..

Emotions were rampant when some in our class knew of some fate that the sch has sentenced us to. I really wanna to be the comforter. I really wanted. But I dint noe, I actually had to b comforted. I mean.. Haiz.. I dint expect it. I always believed I am a lucky boy. I thought so. Than reality hit me hard. I have to drop subs. It was really hurting honestly. I really feel the pain. But this is life I guess. Just life. I was totally loss yesterday. Really. But luckily got so many nice people ard me to cheer me up. Thanks to both of u.. really keepin me company till 10+ was really comforting for me =) than all those phone calls and msgs showing concern for me, were really greatly appreciated by me. I really thank all of u, my frends =) Without u all, I dunno wat will bcome of me. I seriously am grateful that in this dark world of mine, there are still u all to brighten wat seems so lost. THANK YOU!!!

Yea.. I dunno wat else to say le. I must c on mon wat happens.. Pray for the best. Life is as such and that makes it like so I dunno wat word to use. But I really like this life. All the unexpectedness things that happen, will only make me stronger and not weaker.. I can pull through de =) I noe I can.. Cos I have been through much more..

On another note, I dont like to mention their names, but to 2 of my bros that needs retest. I really wish u all the best. I want u all to do well. Work hard Ya. I will b always behind u all.. Not that I am any better but I really want to c u 2 in J2 next year, although we may be taking lesser subs together, but lets make the sacrifice counts. Must B strong and tell u each other u all can make it de =) I noe u all can de =)

Well.. thats all I guess.. I said alot le.. I tink I shall go n relax now..

Random thoughts: Wat is life without failure?? who will b dere for u when u fall??

2007-10-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

YEA!!! PW's WR IS DONE LE ^___^
NO MORE LATE NITEZ N NO SLEEP =)

Yeapz.. no more PW le.. So happy lah.. I dunno how to contain my happiness.. =)

Well.. now that PW is outta way, I tink I can also start to reflect abit on my this year. Haiz.. Yea.. life's bad. As in this year, I kinda wasted it. I mean with track and stuff.. Yea.. was real dumb. But I guess 5 months to pay for growing up is not that bad bah.. At least I grew up.

I ponned training again yesterday and ya.. today photo with the team also have to be photoshopped cos I was rushing to print out the latest WR =(

Hmm.. I dunno wat else to say le..

Random thoughts: Let things be right can??

2007-10-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

LOLx.. now still doin PW.. sianz.. yea.. today many emotions struck me..

Okay.. B4 I cont with PW. Let me state some feelins that I nvr felt in mine entire life. I noe in every competition, there is bound to be losers, in every game, there is bound to be victors. We all play individual role at times and we just c how fate arranges our permutation of these activities. Well.. Now I am feelin real down. I tink this emo side of me gonna last a few more days. At least till tml nitez. Till handing in WR. Yea.. I shant comment too much le.

My flu is seriously takin a heavy toll on me.. I totally cant make it le. Than tml still got training. Well, let's hope that I can be called senior next year =( Its gonna b tough, but I am really rudely awaken now. I mean.. Life nvr felt more lousier.

Okie.. I tink I needa get back to

2007-10-15T10:30:00.000+08:00

Today I feel very guilty lei.. =( I PON TRAINING!!!

This is how it goes: 1stly, I am sure I woke at 6.45am for X-country training with Eugene and Mugi.. But than I woke up and felt really terrible. Throat sore like crazy. Eyes puffy and head spinning like mad. Ah.. I am not a robot siah.. I guess I am way too tired. So I decided to go back to sleeping N than when I woke, it was 9.30 =.=''' Track training started at 8.30am lolx =.=''' Haiz.. ltr needa send msg over to apologize. I also dunno Y.. But these few days really too shagged.. Too tired I guess. I really cnt take it le!!!

Okie.. Just send a msg over ltr N c how things r. Shldnt b a heavy penalty considering many might have done the same ^____^ Haiz.. tml is the date of return of results. Haiz.. I am really scared. As in.. I feel that this promo on the whole, I did not really chiong for it. I mean. It's really bad. Well.. Life's as such n 1 must not live complaining. I will just face it and c how things go. I really dunwan to retain. Well.. if I don't retain, I will just barely scrape through. Yea.. than J2 will be so hiong. Like 'O' levels was cramped within August 2006 to November 2006. That's like just 3 and a half months. Well.. I only got myself to blame. It's like the last year of my education le next year, if I promote that is. Cos after that is army and Uni will b more relaxed.

These few days while doin PW, many thoughts just keep coming into my head. I also am pretty lost now. I dunno wat to do. Dunno wat.. Ignorance is bliss I guess..

My voice is totally lost now. I can't talk. My head spinning like a globe on it's axis. So pain.. >.<>

Random thoughts: wat is becoming of me??

2007-10-13T10:14:00.000+08:00

Ah.. Our WR still not handed up yet >.<

Last nitez suppose to come home to chiong than I dunno Y I just KOed. I dont even rmb myself sleepin.. Haiz.. WR sux.. Oh wells.. I dunno wat to say.. But I just wish things will turn out fine. I just dunwan to say much. It's really abit sux n terrible.

Now waiting for yangz and kel to wake up. We all been tired these past few days n I guess we are not robots and our body have limits that we must admit to. Not even studying was as tiring. Haiz.. I just want us to do well..

Enough of PW.. yea.. Ltr tink if finish PW early like 1pm than I wanna go out ^___^ Gonna get 2 b'dae presents. LOLx.. that's alot. Well.. I am a nice person by nature =) I also not sure y I am those that is so happy de lol. I mean I just wish for all those beside me to laugh n b happy. I am seldom pissed with any1. Really.. that's my character or personality =)

Hmm.. now head also spinning and like swirling with pain. Haiz.. PW all ur fault X( I so wanna go out n hav fun. I wanna do the things I like like shopping. N playing pool. How I miss those 1st 3 months. Well.. it's in the past and memmories r good but we must not b stuck in them.

I dunno wat's happening?? I really dun.. But I just wish things will b fine. At least for this remaining 1+ years. I just want to be SIMPLE!!! why isit such a chore to b simple =( A normal life!!! I dont want to hanker over riches, fame, glory or watsoever. I just want to b normal. Cos being normal is also a blessing =)

Random thoughts: When will we finish WR?? Is it only on the deadline, 18 oct??

2007-10-12T00:24:00.000+08:00

Okay.. today had sand castle building at East Coast Park ^__^

Well.. Met up real early with 15/07. Well.. had little sleep the nitez b4. Considering havin to do PW till 2.15am. Well.. Kel and Yangz stayed up later. I tink both till 3am!! Kudos to them =) Yea.. met edwin early like 5.25am!! HHas.. I mistaken the 1st bus and we spent like 25mins breathing in the morning fresh air =( Well.. we people are the best at connecting things and somehow we managed to connect bus and got to macs quite early =). Had breakfast n boardered the bus real late and got dere like half an hour late =( got sc0lded and blah blah.

But the main highlight was sand castle building. We built it lol.. Hhas.. Nice turtle and lighthouse ^__^ HHas.. than after that we had some class dunking and every1 took their turns to enter the sea =) Not every1 lol. Some girls decide againt gettin wet. After that was some fun wash up with the guys and we were off to our class outing le. Yeapz.. pool was fun.

After dat had dinner, than every1 dispersed back to their own homes. Went home with Josephine, Hwee sheng, Fiona and Kuan teck =) enjoyed the talk we had while we were goin back.

Now just woke up from about 1hr 45mins of sleep.. Chionging WR. Most likely will take the whole nitez. I tink most prob I tml will pon training or needa sleep. Cos my body cant take it too. than my toe also still pain. not heal fully. Well c how tml =(

I was just tinking randomly again =x Cos last nitez was checking up on a long lost frend than found out that many things change since we last parted. We each decided to part cos of education. HHas.. nvr mind, I also dunno wat I am tinking or want to say =(

Random thoughts: when can we sleep?? =(

2007-10-10T18:07:00.000+08:00

I now hav a headache =(

Last 2 days been chionging PW till very late. But on monday, I KOed earlier than the team. Sorry team =(.. But training is really takin it's toll on me. I mean, I dunno why. But on training days, I just can't stay late up as promised. It's just like my body auto shutdown =(

Yeapz.. PW is really evil. Make things so busy for every1. Like it's back to the chionging life again =( But the OP today was quite fun ^___^ I mean talking crap at the last momment was sought of fun lolx Xp Yea.. than tml got sandcastle building =) LOLx.. it's gonna b such great fun =) I really love this class actually.. 15/07 is de class siah.

Well.. I just woke up from sleepin. yea.. Just saw han wei's pics. Really make me tink of something. It's been some time le. LOLx.. not bein emo or wat, cos I will Nvr emo is so XX. But I dunno.. it mayb bcos I dunwan to b emo than choose the easy way out. But I reall dunno wat else to do. I.... am dumbfounded by myself. LOLx.. like talkin pile of rubbish =(

Ltr gotta do PW again. Hopefully can finish. For all the effort that we put in, all of us deserve an 'A' lol XD Hhas.. Let's see wat happens bah. I can say that this PW journey was quite memmorable. All those late nitez with those 4 good people: Yangz, Elaine, Kel and Sinyi. Hhas.. was quite enjoyable spending time with these 4 really good people =) LOLx.. Sinyi dont use those short form le lol =.=''' so no meaning de lol =x

Oh ya.. I was so dumb last nitez to walk into the door and bang my foot into it and cause the skin to fall out =( Sianz.. when training starts, all these unwanted and stupid training Y must happen to me X(

Shall not whine, but take it as life's challenges =)

Random thoughts: Wat shld I do?? I.. am lost. Is my thinking now rite?? LOLx.. Like no meaning like dat XD

2007-10-08T15:22:00.000+08:00

Hhas.. now at macs chionging PW siah.. Left kel and me only..

Sianz.. this sun and today totally burnt out by PW. Well I guess life's like that bah. Just enjoy the process instead of lamenting the fact. Cos be it tough or not, we still have to last through. Hmm.. Ltr also gonna hav training lol ^__^ came quicker than expected but I am not complaining. Very long dint c the whole team le. Let's start the preparation now!!

Well.. I kinda feel very lolss now. I dunno. Although it's after the promos, but I don't exactly feel happy. I mean I can say that thurs, fri and sat was fun and totally enjoyable. But than on sun and today, it's just like so no meaning. I dunno whether this will b the feelin for the rest of the year. Just a random thought, last time when u were young, ur parents will say that u hav grown up and that next year will be harder and more stressful than last. But I dint really felt that much pressure and happiness so short-lived till this JC1 year. Well.. I was tinking perhaps if I entered arts stream, it will b much better. I mean I am more inclined to arts I tink. Science just is not me. Guess I have chosen this road and must perservere through it..

I am just so bored out by life now. Nothing to keep me goin.. =( I try to find the silver lining, but it's just not showing. The truth is I can't find the same kind of frend again. That frend that I lost. U may not understand wat I am saying, but yea.. it's just that frend that I lost. That frend was really wat made me felt like living and gave me hope in life. I guess sometimes when people are good, must treasure cos it's hard to find 1 that is prepared to let u enter their life and be a part of it. Oh wells.. life is as such.

Random thoughts: When can I find u again?? =(

2007-10-07T09:29:00.000+08:00

Was quite busy over these past few days siah.. Life after the promos is really quite relaxing... But all these are only temporary as soon dere is 'A' levels chinese n PW =(

Well, Friday was really fun as our class 15/07 went out together to hav fun siah. Erm.. but not really the whole class went. It's like only the guys =) Kuan teck, Jian Rong, Hwee Sheng, Han Wei, Yangz and me with Terry N Sok Yin joining us ltr. LOLx.. if I got time I will kope the photos from Yangz N post lolx.. Yea.. we just went pool, than followed Jian Rong to shop, than went to play some lame police game. Hhas.. But nonetheless, spending time with the class was definitely worthwhile =) Yeapz.. let's have another guy's day out soon.. It's like so cool XD Oh ya.. We also met alot AJ people on the way lol X) HHas.. We saw Sin Yi, Jasmine, Elaine and Fiona on our way too ^__^ LOLx.. Sin yi and Jasmine looked so different lol =)

Than Saturday went shopping siah.. My pocket is crying now. I feel real guilty for spending money siah =( It's like I dunno. But I really need new clothings siah. It's like there is so little at home =( Yea.. But shopping with George was fun too =) In the nitez went to meet Andre.. Relax siah. I noe in the end things will turn out fine, so don't tink too much. Fate this kinda thing we can't force. We can only wait and when and opportunity comes, treasure it. Cos at this kinda age, we still r kinda immature so relax siah =)

Will post photos in the future. Now gotta go rush for PW at Kel's house =( Well.. Guys let's do it by today ya. Than we can leave it to Elaine N Sin yi to do their OP part =)

2007-10-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

Yea.. Promos is officially over..

Well.. today chem was like sianz.. cos I dunno mix up atomisation energy =( well.. heck it for now. I really cannot be bothered. Than chinese was ermmm...... I dunno sianz.. no format to follow now so yea.. Just c how bah.

Now for the post-promos programme =)
Yesh.. tml gonna go out with 15/07 to enjoy the day, than nitez gonna go out with some sec4 classmates to drink n mahjong =) than saturday dunno gonna do wat. But I tink on that day it will figure itself out somehow.. Now I tink tonight not gonna sleep although I am livin on borrowed time. I wanna learn SECRET PIANO SONGS NOW XD yeapz.. so gonna mug dem siah.. =) LOLx.. still muggin =.='''

Okay tonight must be productive siah =)

This suddenly make me recall those times after 'O' levels last year. It's like it was so memmorable. yea.. just some random thoughts. LOLx.. really random de me..

Random thoughts: today dont have.. cos I am just too happy N not tinking =)

Off to the piano world now..

2007-10-03T13:59:00.000+08:00

Updated the link section =) but I tink I left out some people. After promos than do a more detailed one ^__^

Sorry Han wei.. Today can't go wit u to Bishan library. Next time bah =) that will b next year lol X) dont wanna study after tml le lol..

Well, today maths paper was total er...... I dunno. Haiz.. Really felt like sec3 that time all over again siah. Nvr finish N dunno alot. Sianz... I was thinking like just last year ard this time where the sec4 prelims were just over. If u lost like 5 marks or dint do, u r like GGed le lol.. But now, losing 30 marks n u can b like the upper percentile. LOL..

But wat's over over. I dunno. Haiz.. C how it will b.. Tml is the last day le =) YES!!! managed to last through it. Yea.. back to the question I was pondering.. Erm.. I dunno also lol.. It's like in the past can talk to the person so much than suddenly after years dint talk like weird to me I guess. But I guess that's life bah. U nvr noe who will walk wit u to the end. HHas.. Yangz must elaborate more to me okay?? Constance, sometimes like hard to siam de lol. the more u wanna siam, the more u happen to be in close contact X)

I tink I better go study chem N chinese le. Tml is the last day le.. yea.. after dat can do so much. Like things that I like. Things that r worth me livin n breathing for.

Random thoughts: Will this year's holiday period be the most memmorable of my life?? HHas.. Just being lame =p

2007-10-02T14:33:00.000+08:00

Sianz.. got back home at 12.05pm but just sleep n slack till now.. Ltr must pia maths like siao le..

Today had econs paper siah. Erm.. I dunno just quite smoky =( C wat the grades ah bah. Well at least today I managed to set a date with Eugene on tuesday to run =) Damn long dint run le siah.. Gotta release all the stress. Yeapz.. this year bitter experiences at the turf is etched in my mind. I won't want it to happen again in 2008.

Just a long random thought suddenly struck me. If u were to meet some1 that u were very close in the past but than broke off due to some quarrels or just happen to distance, if u were to meet the person again like after sometime, how will u react?? LOLx.. just very random =) yea.. but it set me pondering. LOLx.. I tink I siao siao de lol. Just will suddenly ponder over weird stuff XD

I tink I better go do maths le.. Still havent revise summation n binomial. X__X die siah.

Random thoughts: How will this promo turn out?? LOLx.. XD

2007-10-01T17:02:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!! =)

Yea!!! today is children's day. All the happiness and innoncence of bein just a child. So simpleN free. Well.. today was definitely not my day siah =(

1st day of promos is today le. Haiz.. dont wanna say much siah. Left 21 marks of bio empty!!! 2 essay questions dint do. I dunno wat to say bout myself. Perhaps, I am really dumb. Not meant N not ready to enter this stressful life yet.. Perhaps.. I dunno. I nvr felt dis scared even when sec3 promos back in cat high. Well.. after today's bio, I dunno wat to say =(

Anyways, there r 2 things this week that made my day and keep me smiling even now:

1) Thanks thanks. U really made my day =) Sending that msg after sometime was really touching. Thanks for bein so impartial n c me for who I am n not 1 that did that evil thing b4. Words can't express the amount of thank u I wanna say to u. But I tink u're really a frend worth noeing, N I nvr regreted not noeing u. Hopefully can c U soon =)

2) Thanks thanks to U* *U better noe who I am hor* Owe me money de $10 boy XD Yea.. thanks for helping me so much yesterday lah. All ur "smoke help". HHas.. sat must relax le.

Yeapz.. those 2 things really brighten up my day n make me wonder is dere really such thing as god watching over. I mean things will always turn out fine.. I dunno.. But if it's true, tml econs will b a good start to show me that if things left to normal will b okay =)

Random thoughts: Is dere a silver lining behind the dark clouds?? LOLx.. that's today GP question I think =p

2007-09-30T10:35:00.001+08:00

Okay.. I am in deep trouble. Tml is the promos day N I am still here bloggin.. =(

Yesterday, dint do much. Chem N Maths still not done. But that 1 still hav like 1 day to study b4 the paper. Than tml is bio N GP=(. Havent even started on either 1. I am real scared now. This is like a major exam but I am like quite cool bout it. Too cool in fact. Haiz.. I really just wanna do something that I can b happy about. Is this too much?? I really dont noe. Hopefully miracles can happen. I dont noe. I am not studying as hard as many, but I am very scared that bcos of dat I will retain. I nvr ever thought of bein retain. Even in sec3 when studies were straight F9s. Life never seemed so ominous. Well, I just have to laugh it off like I usually do. But when I laugh sometimes is really.. I dunno. Hopefully can pass this 4 days safely. I dont noe how it will turn out. But I really hope it will b fine.

I left roughly 12 hours left b4 day 1 of the promo. Yesterday Andre came and accompany to last throught the nitez. But end up talkin more than studying. Today gotta really focus or else, I am in deep trouble. Okay.. the journey now begins. Let's see wat last minute studying can get me. Okay.. i officially left 7 hours to cover whole syllabus of bio. Than 5 hrs left to learn AQ N gp essay. I dont noe wat else to say bout the predictament I am in.

Random thoughts: Is studying really important?? Will it help U get ahead in life?? Wat is Life?? Is happiness the essential key or bein successful??

2007-09-29T12:22:00.000+08:00

Wasted the whole of last nitez.. Was sleepin siah.. =( Haiz.. I tink I gotta take it 1 step at a time le.

Erm.. I dunno siah.. This promos like very unprepared siah. Everything seemed cannot be studied finish=(. Oh wells.. let's see the results that I would get. I like wat Mdm Han told us on last friday lol. "People feel bad after they collect their results bcos they set an expectation for themself, why don't just go into the exam with a relaxed mind n don't expect a thing, N no matter wat results u get back, be happy with it cos u deserve it" How true is this.. But it was really soothing to me. I will just do my best N c how things go on..

It's now only 2 more days N 6 more days b4 promos end and 9 days b4 training starts again ^__^. LOLx.. I dunno, but I suddenly miss coach =( He's like a father figure to me lol.. I really miss those times he stayed back overtime just to see me jump hurdles, those encouragements n those lectures he gave me on my stubborness. Thank You MR TAN!!! U're the best coach I ever had. I nvr wanna train under any1 except u =) Yeapz.. soon will b back to that place where all my troubles seem to disappear. Can't wait to c u guys back =).

Off to study le =(....

Random thought: If life was like a tape recorder, able to be fastforwarded N rewinded, wat will u fast forward N rewind??

2007-09-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

Finally got it done.. LOLx.. Hhas.. terry ur reply might hav to still wait sometime. Cos I really cant do it now. Time is packed =(

Today was really abit wasted siah.. Went to sch early in the morning to play basketball with YANGZ. LOLx.. Promos only 3 more days and still playing n wasting time =(. Nonetheless, it was fun. I guess I am playful by nature bah. Can't sit still N do work de. Haiz.. Hopefully this promo can still make it. Yea.. Wishin.. I suddenly just randomly thought like wat I was doin at this time last year. Yea.. Preparing for 'O' Levels. I don't rmb bein that stress dat time lol.. I mean comparing last year to this, I don't noe why but it's just not as stressful as now. Mayb it's just JC that is the diff. Oh.. I just have to last. 4 days only!! Like Primary school like dat lol ^___^

Hhas.. saw George's brother today at AJ!! LOLx.. hhas.. quite long dint c him le. Hhas.. than my whole day was spent playing piano in sch.. Yea.. waste of time siah, but it was worth it =) Than Yangz N I slept in sch!! LOLx.. I just slept on the table only mah. Why need all the attention?? =( Well.. Nvr mind.. Guess this is the diff from last time. Looks like tonight gonna b a long nitez. Gotta try to finish Chem N maths.. Than the next 2 days got time for econs, bio N GP. Sianz.. I really wanna stop time.

Random thoughts: What will happen 2 years down the road?? LOLx.. that's lame =D

2007-09-27T13:51:00.000+08:00

LOLx.. It's only 4 more days to promos n I decided to configure my blog. HHas.. Terry I tink ur nudge, in the future mayb after promos than I reply..

I took a very long time to find this skin lol.. But I love it siah. So nice N cute!!! =) Gotta go study soon siah.. Left Bio N econs still untouched. Not to mention GP n Chinese. Cant wait for after promos. Then life will b much better lol =) Yea.. Can't wait for trainings with the team. The class bonding activities after promos also very exciting siah. But PW OP sux lolx. So not lookin forward to it. Hmm.. These few days like damn sianz siah. Just study N study. Totally no life lol. Ahh.. So many JCs promos finish this week lolx. Mine still gotta wait so long =(. Like next week =.=''' Haiz..

Hmm.. Just something random that came into my mind. I was lookin at the sec4 photos that JING N YANGZ posted like last year November. LOLx.. the memmories XD. Suddeny, I kinda wanna go back to the past. Those days that I look forward to goin to sch cos of those other 39 people =). Not say that 15/07 does not give me the motivation to come sch, but it just that those times were really wild =). HHas.. 2 years just pass so fast. But that is a past that I can nvr relieve. Now we have all disbanded and left to various to JCs and POLYs to pursue our future careers. Haiz.. But Yangz N Terry still same class as me =). Yangz, must tell Miss tan the class chalet must still on hor!! Which reminds me my 'O' level cert still havent collect =(. Nvr mind will b goin back to dere after promos mayb than collect lolx.. Wonder they threw it away already anot lolx??

Okay.. Gotta go study le.. Or else promos sure DIE siah.
Random thoughts: "who will last a lifetime with you??"

Bosty Trying Out

2007-09-14T13:37:00.000+08:00

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